DJ SOXXY AND NGURE: Care Work: Can we find real male allies?

Fatherhood is more than provision. It is presence, nurturing, and the willingness to share the responsibilities of care.

Happy Father's Day to you all. Yes, you, and you, and you. Today, we celebrate fathers. Before we go any further, someone recently mentioned that Father's Day is often less celebrated than Mother's Day. Should we see that as competition? Or should we, as men are often told to do, simply "man up" and take it as a compliment?

Perhaps the issue is bigger than who gets more flowers or social media posts. Maybe it is about how society sees care. Have we failed to highlight men's role in care work, making fathers' contributions invisible? Or are fathers themselves not stepping forward to be counted when called upon to take up these roles?

Perhaps we are so busy providing that we forget to tell the stories of how we care. After all, what is not seen or spoken about often goes unrecognised. Today, however, is not about competition. It is about appreciation. Sometimes the best way to honour someone is to recognise what they do for others, often quietly and without reward.

That is what we celebrate today: fathers who show up and do the work of care. Interestingly, whenever the term "care work" is mentioned, most people immediately think of women. Care is often associated with nurturing, emotional labour, and domestic responsibilities—roles society has traditionally assigned to women.

Men, on the other hand, are usually recognised for financial provision. We hear statements like, "He is caring because he pays the bills." But is care only financial? Are men truly capable of being caregivers and allies in care work?

Recently, I watched a father struggle to access a women's restroom in a shopping mall because he needed to change his four-year-old daughter's diaper. The looks he received from bystanders ranged from suspicion to disapproval. An elderly janitor even confronted him. Yet all he was trying to do was care for his child.

I celebrate that father. He challenged societal expectations and chose care over convenience. But his experience raises an important question: did society support him? More importantly, did the infrastructure support him? How many public spaces provide diaper-changing stations in men's washrooms? How many systems are designed with caring fathers in mind?

The reality is that society continues to assign caregiving roles based on gender rather than ability. Imagine taking your child to kindergarten and finding a male teacher welcoming them at the gate. How comfortable would you feel? For many people, discomfort still exists—not because men are incapable of care, but because we have been conditioned to see caregiving as women's work.

In Kenya, married women spend an average of four hours more each day on unpaid domestic and care work than men. While many men contribute financially, women often carry the invisible burden of household management, childcare, meal preparation and emotional labour. Even in homes where responsibilities are shared, women frequently remain the default managers of family care.

This imbalance becomes even more visible in single-parent households. A single father must provide financially while also taking on the caregiving responsibilities often associated with mothers. Yet society may still question him for performing what are labelled as "women's roles." We celebrate fathers who step up, but we must also challenge the stereotypes that make their caregiving seem unusual.

At the same time, we must avoid rewarding men with excessive praise for doing what women have long been expected to do without recognition. Recently, a male colleague came to work with his baby. While many of us admired his commitment, he received special accommodations and praise that female colleagues who brought their children to work had rarely received.

Equality means recognising care work fairly, regardless of who performs it.

Care work also intersects with power and pay. Across many sectors, women dominate caregiving roles, yet leadership and higher-paying positions are often occupied by men. Whether in education, hospitality, healthcare, or domestic work organisations, we frequently see men rise more quickly once a traditionally female role becomes financially rewarded.

True redistribution of care must not simply create new opportunities for men while leaving women behind. As we celebrate Father's Day 2026, let us make shared care work part of the conversation. Men must acknowledge that women continue to carry a disproportionate share of unpaid care work and actively participate in reducing and redistributing that burden.

This requires more than individual effort. It requires societal change. We need workplaces that support caregiving fathers, public spaces designed for all caregivers, and policies that encourage shared parental responsibilities. Something as simple as installing diaper-changing stations in both men's and women's washrooms can remove barriers and normalise men's involvement in caregiving.

Today, we celebrate the men who wake up early to prepare children for school, who change diapers, attend clinic visits, care for ageing parents, help with homework, and show up consistently for their families and communities. We celebrate men who understand that care is not a threat to masculinity but a powerful expression of it.

And as we celebrate them, we call on society to do more: to highlight positive examples of male caregiving, create support networks for fathers, invest in caregiver-friendly infrastructure, and promote forms of masculinity rooted not only in provision, but also in compassion, presence and care. Because care work is not women's work. It is human work. And the future will be better when more men choose to be allies in it.

___

Peter Ngure is the founder, Pathways Policy Institute

DJ Soxxy is a Better4Kenya Champion