Close

WHERE ARE MEN OF OUR FATHERS' CALIBRE?

Kenyan women have coddled men

How? you may ask. Well, we stopped expecting anything from them.

In Summary

• We dropped our standards so low until there was nowhere else to set standards.

• Then we stopped expecting anything, well, these days we expect them to be breathing.

I have heard many a man say that women today are more empowered. That there was a lot of focus on the girl child when we were growing up. I look back to my upbringing. My siblings and I (I have one brother) had pretty much the same opportunities in terms of education and exposure. It was the same with my cousins, friends and neighbours. One day we woke up and men no longer behaved like their fathers. I do not blame them though, it is our fault. We did this to them.

How? you may ask. Well, we stopped expecting anything from them. We dropped our standards so low until there was nowhere else to set standards. Then we stopped expecting anything, well, these days we expect them to be breathing.

Never before has the female being been so accommodating of a male's shortcomings as they are in this generation. In fact, I do not know why men complain many women are empowered, because most of these empowered women are happy to look after men, and ruin him for the next woman.

A lady got home to find her dear husband sitting in darkness with the kids and maid. The electricity had been disconnected. They were all waiting for her to come and make a plan. Her grown husband, a few years her senior included. When I was young, dads did that, they came up with plans.

Never before has the female being been so accommodating of a male's shortcomings as they are in this generation. In fact, I do not know why men complain many women are empowered, because most of these empowered women are happy to look after men, and ruin him for the next woman.

Men knew where to get a fuse, (Dear Kenya Power, it was the real men who used to reconnect power, I just watched as a young girl. Thank you for prepaid.) to reconnect the power for a night before going to have it reconnected the next day. The lady will borrow Sh100 to buy tokens for the night.

A man will leave his house in the morning, walk around and then come back in the evening empty handed. He will find a meal on the table and inhale it without blinking. Not bothering to ask where the food came from because he and his wife are jobless. For all he knows, another man could have given his wife that food. For free or otherwise, and the next day she will have a hot meal for him.

It is not strange to see a young man cling to an older woman, carry her handbag around, drive her big car and sleep in her house. Still, he will be able to go to a bar and raise his voice when ordering a cold beer like he knows where the money he is using is coming from. He will use that money to take a waitress to the Coast and when Sugar Mama finds out, she will call her friends to ask for advice on how to keep him. After crying and praying of course.

These days, a man will come out with you, order drinks, by the bottle, a few smokes and meat. When the bill comes, he is as meek as a mouse or is suddenly pressed and must use the bathroom until you pay the bill. After, you must drop him home. Or, because these days women pay for rooms, you will take him to a room so he works for the drinks and meat.

These days, a man will come out with you, order drinks, by the bottle, a few smokes and meat. When the bill comes, he is as meek as a mouse or is suddenly pressed and must use the bathroom until you pay the bill. After, you must drop him home.

Then we wake up and say there are no good men. Where would they come from? The ones you get you treat like boys and expect them to be men. You expect nothing, you get nothing. Men are made physically and emotionally stronger. They are made to withstand the elements.

My father used to tell my brother that he is a man. For the worst, he can go carry sacks off a lorry in Industrial Area. He can go to a local bar and work as a barman or bouncer. (This was in the nineties) People would still look at him favourably. He then said his sisters (us) were not able physically to lift sacks from a lorry, and if we went to work at a local bar, we would be thought of as prostitutes.

 

What he was trying to say, was there were and are still more opportunities for men. These days men just like whining. They have excuses for everything. We, in turn, expect so little from our sons, our brothers and our men.

If you have a son, please can you think highly of that boy. Expect the best. Make him accountable, give him responsibilities. Praise and reward him when it is warranted. This New Age nonsense of ‘everyone gets a trophy for participation’ is just that, hogwash.

Expect a man to be a man and let him be a man. If he does not bring food, stay hungry with him. (Seriously though, eat before you get to the house. He can be hungry alone, tomorrow he will do better.)

Let us expect better. Otherwise, who will our daughter's marry?

[email protected]

@nyarowiro