Cases of teenage children rebelling against their parents or school authorities have become prevalent. Almost every day, we watch on TV or read in newspapers cases of teenagers caught up in mischief or devious behaviour, to the disappointment of their parents.
Indeed, many parents today are gripped by fear at the thought of raising teens. The early years of a child’s life are received with joy and parents love to spend time with them. However, as the child grows older and approaches teenage, parents begin to get anxious as they ponder how those teenage years will be for their lovely children.
The use of technology has been on the rise and this has made it more complicated as teenagers are exposed to all manner of things. Social media use by teenagers has become the norm.
For example, a study conducted by Gichovi E W in 2012 in Nairobi’s Ngumo area showed that 62 per cent of teenagers interviewed have a social media profile that they set as private so it is only accessible to their friends. This has made parents feel alienated by their own children as they do not understand what is going on in their teens' lives.
But why is this stage so scary for parents? According to psychologist Erik Erickson, a child goes through eight developmental stages from infancy to adulthood.
In each stage, the child experiences a psychosocial crisis, which could lead to either positive or negative outcomes for personality development. Successful completion of each stage results in a healthy personality and acquisition of basic virtues.
In adolescence, the teenager faces identity versus role confusion and this is probably the most important developmental stage for a child. It is a stage where the person is no longer a child and yet they are not adults; they crave independence yet they are not adults.
It is during this stage that the child is transitioning from a child to an adult. They are trying to develop their own identity and are therefore asking themselves hard questions about who they are, what they want to be in future and the like. They explore possibilities and begin to form their own identities based on those explorations.
Failure to establish a clear sense of identity in society can lead to role confusion whereby they are not sure of who they are or their place in society. So when you see your teenager experimenting with different things, don’t be alarmed; give them space and allow them to be. But of course, you should offer guidance where need be.
A common mistake that parents make at this stage is pressuring their teenagers into an identity they do not want. It only leads to further confusion, rebellion and, ultimately, unhappiness.
Besides the psychosocial changes that are taking place, the teenager is also experiencing major physical changes. The body drastically changes: boys grow beards and break their voices while girls begin to grow breasts and have menses for the first time. The hormonal changes in their bodies interfere with their moods and sometimes their behaviour can be said to be a little crazy.
Some teenagers feel embarrassed by their bodies and this can erode their self-confidence. And because this is also a stage where they begin to get attracted to people of the opposite gender, physical appearance means a lot to a teenager. It is a time of great confusion for the teenagers and they need a lot of support.
As a parent of a teenager, it is important to realise that what they are going through during this stage can be confusing to them. To help a teenager navigate this stage successfully, a parent must be understanding and available to answer any questions they may have, and ensure there is open communication.
As much as possible, try to understand what they are going through since you too went through the same stage. It would greatly help if you could develop a great relationship with your child before they become teenagers.
Personal growth and leadership coach. [email protected]
