OYUGA: Invention of independent woman

Over the past few days, I have encountered some mockery by some men of the independent woman.

Some men have been sharing a post that says something to this effect, "Dear women, if you pay your bills, you are not an independent woman, you are an adult.”

While ideally, adults should pay their bills, you need to understand where the independent woman came from and why there are women who take pride in it.

A few years ago, so few like your mother and or grandmother away, women were not independent. In fact, in some communities, cows were even more valuable.

A woman could not buy anything. If she wanted to buy land with what she thought or was maybe even her money, she needed her husband’s name on the title. If you did not own anything, what bills could you pay? If we pay bills, we own something, we run other things and we decide what.

But wait, let us not go too far. A few years ago, I wanted a business loan from a local bank. I prepared for six months and in that period, I did everything they asked of me. I almost gave them a summary of my daily routine.

When the time to apply for the loan came, I felt very confident. I filled in the forms and the first question I was asked when i submitted my forms was why I had not put down my husband as a guarantor.

I then asked the lovely lady if she was giving out husbands somewhere and no one informed me. Why was she assuming I had one and even if I did, did a marriage automatically make him part of the business I was running?

I did not get the loan. I also did not wait to find out what other reason they were going to give.

A few years back, a mother or grandmother ago, the only acceptable career for a woman was a teacher, a secretary or a nurse. These careers were determined by the men in her life. Her father (figure) or her husband.

So when you hear a woman address herself as independent, there is more to it than what you think: She can make choices about her life.

So do not be so triggered when a woman refers to herself as an independent woman. It has nothing to do with your insecurities. There is an excitement about being able to decide what you want to be, how you want to spend your money and owning something for women now. We are the women our grandmothers dreamt of.

At the same time, as much as we celebrate our independence, we should not do it at the risk of our femininity. Yes, we can do many things now, but just because you can do them does not mean you should do them all.

Do not compete with men on who can do what, let men be men. Let him provide. And isn't it great that you know that whether or not he provides, you can still live?

We live in a beautiful time, unlike our mothers and grandmothers, where if he squandered money, your money included, because you could not keep it for yourself, you were screwed. Now, you can have your money somewhere and be happy in a relationship where your man can operate in his masculinity. And men, before you start screaming, it should give you confidence tha woman you have can hold down your family in case anything happened and you are not able to provide. That should be a joy and not a threat.

I feel I should add this, I say it in my ebook (get it on mgazeti.com, THINGS I WISH THEY TOLD ME; How To Enjoy A Relationship With An African Man), we used to be told by our mothers, aunts et al that we should not ‘look’ like we have money or can make money. That it was prudent to act like a damsel in distress in order to protect your man’s ego. But i am saying no yawa, if you can make money, it is in your man’s interest to support you. Because after all, aren't you making it for his children and your home?

We do not have to fear a woman who can make money, unless, you, the man, has been mistreating her and now you are worried she will ‘show you’ now that she has her coins.

Remember, just a mother or grandmother ago, we could not even decide how man children we wanted to carry in our bodies. Viva Independent woman!