Wueh!
Are you guys keeping well? Because if it is not the weather it is other things. Please be kind to people and show a little consideration.
So I was having a small discussion with some ladies about our women things and then someone said, “But you know men? That is how they are!”
Ok, this did not sit right with my spirit. Why do we allow men to be mean, bad and uncultured because they are, you know, men? Masculinity is not, in my opinion, wicked and unpleasant.
I have been watching countless YouTube videos on femininity and all the characteristics that many define as feminine are traits of a good and polite human being. Oh, be kind, polite, considerate. Talk softly, do not talk over others, do not gossip, etc. It is ridiculous.
I get so tired when people keep saying, “You know men are not good so do not expect blah blah blah!” It is like being a man comes with a genetic predisposition that makes them incapable of being good humans. Listen, either someone has good home training or not. Do not excuse his behaviour by the private organs that he has.
Another annoying one is when they are excusing deadbeat fathers. “Oh, Women are taught to be mothers, no one teaches men to be fathers.” Now, what class is this where we were being taught? Unless you are your grandma's agemate because those guys had the whole society to support them. Those are the ones who slept in their grandma's kitchens and were taught the mysteries of marriage and motherhood. The rest of us learnt on the ducking job.
“Oh you play with dolls and it teaches you to be mothers”. Now, what type of fools are you? You played with cars but still needed to go to driving school, which mothering school did women attend? You built houses with legos but which house have you built?
You know, being a mother does not come naturally. In fact, if you ask a woman who has given birth to give you honest accounts of her thoughts the first few hours after having her baby, she will most likely tell you that she does not even like that stranger, I mean baby. It is the marketing around motherhood and femininity that is well coordinated to manipulate you into wanting so hard to feel certain things that when you cannot or it is delayed you are viewed as a monster.
Let me take this moment to address new mothers. There is nothing wrong with you if you do not feel like you know that baby from the beginning of time. My dear, you just met that child. Take time to get to know each other. Do not put pressure on yourself. Accord yourself some grace, you have just been through a life-threatening experience otherwise known as giving birth. If it is taking longer to like the baby, see a professional. There is no shame.
“Women are taught to be wives!” No, we watched our fathers treat our mothers in ways that were not the best and then we chose extremes. Same way men watched our fathers mostly mistreat our mothers and chose how to act.
Nobody taught us how to be wives, they attempted to teach us how to have sex in those seedy showers and made sure we had plates to serve hot food, but other than that, nothing. I am tempted to think they also did not know how to be wives, our mums and aunts, after all those years. So they distracted us with the joys of trying to keep your marriage by having sex.
Let us be serious, please. Human beings should all be held to the same moral compass or leave people alone. Women are people.
We managed to convince everyone that gossiping is a female vice and anger is an emotion that does not make men look hysterical or hormonal. In fact, an angry man is respected yet an angry woman must be on her period or needs sex to calm her down.
Let us all extend grace to each other. I cannot expect you to be something that I am not. We are all here today for the first time. We are all doing our best. So the next time you want someone to do better because she is a woman, bite your tongue. You can do better.
