FELGONAH: Truth is, you're turning women off

Men have copious amounts of audacity. It is an admirable trait but can be sickening most times. But that is mostly our fault women. Let us tell each other the truth today.

Before, we had to nod and clap like seals because it was a survival tactic. The man provided, we pretended he was a stud in bed. They threatened us physically, and we agreed with their ideas, however ditzy. Things have changed some so I feel I can tell you some of the annoying things men do. Especially in bed or on our way there.

I have had a crush on some Kenyan for ions. Recently one of my buddies said to me she could introduce me but she had a list. Of things he does and if I can manage it, well, I will be in the running. After listening to that list, I decided I would never starve enough to care to meet him. It had me thinking though. Of all the things we (women) put up with then tell each other when we are drunk.

Fellows, I know you have a lot of money and it makes you (feel) powerful, you think you can even duck a snake, but we are laughing at you and most often nauseated by you. Stop sending unsolicited videos of your member at ungodly hours. Really, we can think of more creative ways to ruin our days than to wake up to your ka thing jiggling and throwing up. (I am not talking about vomit)

I do not know who told men that sticking their fingers in a woman's ear (or rummaging in her belly button) is sexy. I would like to find the person and hit him over the head with a stick. You know the way women are told not to learn about a man from their fellow women? The same applies to you, please. Ask women what they like and stop listening to your drunken friends whose experience does not go beyond their hands.

I also have an attachment to my body, but I draw the line to referring to some (any) parts in the third person. No, it is not you me and him, it is you and I. Stop saying stupid things like, “touch him” or “he likes you”.

Spitting is unhygienic. And I think we have city bylaws that prohibit spitting anywhere. Besides, if you knew what you were doing, the well would not be dry. Take your time you will see what a world of difference it will make.

Remember we had agreed that you have a lot of money? This is very good. But for you and your dependents. Your money is only good to us when you are giving it to us. So there is no need to tell us how much land you have or how much your watch costs or the expensive places you fly to. It makes no difference to us. And if we are being honest, it is a bit vulgar to discuss money loosely like that.

I have always said relationships should not be hard. Even the one between a man and a woman. Mostly because it is not by force. You like someone to communicate with, invest time and whatever else. If you do not like someone, also communicate and stay away. The fact that you are a man does not mean that you are entitled to a woman’s time, energy and body.

Nani, we do not care that you are aroused, we have seen many goats and monkeys on heat. Join the queue. That is your business. You cannot ghost a woman and then one day wake up with a stupid opening line like, “I want you.” What type of fool are you really? You do know that your sperm is not a vital supplement yes?

Please do a self-assessment. Be honest with yourself and act accordingly. You know what is smaller than average and what is bigger than the norm. Do not over-promise then have the guts to waste a woman's time, lotion, perfume, lingerie etc. These things are non-refundable and can cause trust issues. Exercise humility. If you know one side is lacking, build on the fingers and other activities.

Finally, read a book. Learn something. Have an interest that is more than drinking alcohol and jumping on whichever female will allow you on her. Some of you are over 40 and still talking like delinquent teenagers. As someone said, you are almost dying yawa si you change your ways?