My father used to say that if you got an opportunity to live in a castle, all expenses paid and no worries for only two months, you should jump at the opportunity.
Many people will say, 'why go for only two months and then come back to reality? You might as well just continue in your reality'.
His reasoning was that for two months, you could rest, come up with new ideas, even try them out without repercussions if they did not work. Can you imagine what you could do if you were not working to survive?
A parent said, let your children struggle. Do not protect them from pain. It is somehow supposed to make the child stronger. Make them more able to succeed.
I have often wondered about this ideology. And maybe that is why in this part of the world we are still poor. Because we value struggling. We value harsh environments. Apparently, it makes us stronger. Stronger for what? More suffering. Definitely not to succeed in life.
Why are we so mesmerised by how to handle hard times? Yes, hard times will come. But also there will be good times. Do we know what to do then? We are so hardwired for difficulty that the possibility of ease might not sit right with us. We would rather torture our children because the world might be tough on them.
Indulge me if you may. Two children from the same background. One child, A, has a parent who works hard to "allow" him to be a child. He has reasonable chores around the house. (Children are not servants please) Is allowed to play and have some books and if they can afford it, a phone, the child is allowed to use it. Supervised of course. The child is protected and feels safe.
The other child, B has parents who believe the world is tough and they must toughen their child. They would rather the child walk even though they can afford to give the child fare. The parents have no problem with anyone disciplining the child because even they were beaten by anyone.
The child is not allowed an opinion. So even if they are being bullied in school or harassed by teachers they just must take it. The result is a traumatised child that is always in survival mode. Hardly a tough child.
Which of these children is likely to succeed in life?
Someone said to me, “some of you mothers spoil children, if someone beats your child outside here you want to call the police! We used to be beaten by everyone”.
Well, we also used to be told to ask an adult for help as children, and you will agree with me that you cannot dare do that now. So why would I allow any adult to “discipline” my child?
Mistreating children does not make them tough. We need to allow children as much as possible to be children. Allow them space to play and develop. Then maybe we might not have so many adults using their brains to survive instead of to create. We might actually become a wealthier society.
This world does not belong to broken people. Life may be tough but it cannot be conquered by abusing and neglecting children. Let us do our best, whatever that looks like, to shield them for as long as we can. That protection is what will make them better humans.
Yes, an eagle throws its young ones from the nest. This is a very popular anecdote. The strong ones will flap their wings and survive, the weak ones will fall to their death. This is not a parenting tip please. I know when you say it you feel like you are deep. Let us be serious. Felines also eat their young, we are not animals. We cannot take parental ‘advice’ from the animal kingdom.
In other news, is life getting rougher or am I the only one without a sponsor and a god who drops money from heaven and opens doors?
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