OGONJI: ‘What will people say’ a dream killer

The world is changing at a very fast pace. You blink and a whole decade of perceptions, beliefs and practices overtakes you.

The environment that one is brought up in has a major impact on how you think, talk and even interact with others. It's as good as saying the society you live in defines who you are.

People make choices according to the way they want to lead their lives. However, sometimes these choices are highly influenced by what society will think of you, say about you or even treat you after.

Historically, age-hypogamous relationships were unheard of. An ideal relationship or marriage had a man who was slightly older than the woman. That was the societal structure that was perceived to be right.

The digital era, however, changed the narrative. It has become normal to find a couple where the woman is older than the man. Big names such as French President Emanuel Macron, 44, and his wife Brigitte Macron, 68, are happily married despite the age difference.

Closer home, gospel artist Guardian Angel who is 20-years younger than his wife, Esther Musila, tied the knot. From the photos shared on social media, one can clearly see the chemistry between the two.

Such relationships encounter a torrent of criticism from society. Age-hypogamous couples seem to rub society the wrong way, even though no harm is rendered to anyone.

Couples in such relationships sometimes keep it a secret for fear of being judged.

The debate on doing the house chores is one that always turns into a debacle. The modern woman can do what a man can do. She can study and climb the academic ladder, get a white collar job and even raise a family by herself.

With this, duties seem to have equalised by default. It's not peculiar to find a man changing his child's diapers, washing the dishes or spinning ugali. Some do it out of love, some do it because their wives have a busy schedule. But society will still utter the common phrase, "umekaliwa na bibi [you are whipped]".

Society will always want you to do what it thinks is right. When you do contrary to its expectations, criticism follows aplenty.

Often, our lives are dictated by what society will say. The so-called society is the people around us—friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbours, etc.

Funny enough, you are also part and parcel of society. There are people in your circle who will do or not do something because they fear what you will say or think of them.

A 27-year-old woman might be worried she is not married yet time is ticking. Deep down she might not even be considering marriage, but she is just afraid of what the people around her will say. Or that she will reach menopause without a child.

The same goes for a graduate who might have knocked on every door and dropped their CV everywhere all in vain. They may shun blue collar jobs in the meantime because of what people will say. 

Such societal expectations can easily drive one into depression. Blocking the noise can save you from a lot of life's slip-ups. If a path feels right for you, follow it without minding what others might think.

Understanding that people will always talk, whether you do right or wrong, should motivate you to keep on keeping on. Do you, the world will adjust.

Bernard Baruch puts it well, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."