I am writing my article today at the shore of Nam Lolwe. It is also my birthday. I turn 43.
As I look out at the lake, I cannot help but think of all the lessons I have learned so far.
Sometimes I wish we were born with all this information, life would be so much easier. But I guess they are right when they say, with age, comes wisdom. Some things you must go through, several times in some cases, before you figure it out.
To mark my 43rd year on this earth, allow me to share some observations.
If you see a woman and you think she is hot, tell her, even if she is married. To your friend or brother, you might just save that woman a lot of misery.
Many women are in unions thinking they cannot do better. You might just nudge her in the right direction (not to you yawa). You might just help her break free from the limitations in her head.
Sure, money is better than the promise of a lot of money. This applies in business as in life. You would rather get Sh1,000 every day than the promise of a Sh1 million tender. Do not despise the small money, seek them out diligently.
Underwear makes a difference and many times you just need the big granny panties to hold you from the bottom. Life is hard, you do not another thing up your butt.
You are the preference of the man who wants you. Someone said be yourself so that the people who are for you can find you. Just be you. Whatever that looks like. This is especially for women.
We are always trying to be the proverbial woman. The ‘ideal’ woman according to society. We are supposed to look a certain way, weigh as much as a 10-year-old child, speak in a manner that causes no discomfort. Duck all that nani.
No woman who was not herself lived a happy life. If anything, she suffered twice. When she was pretending to be what she was not and when they did her wrong, even when she inconvenienced herself, sacrificed food and bite her tongue when she had something to say.
Talk about money. Lack of it, having it and wanting it. Talk about your expectations of it. Want to be around it, remember the show me your friends saying, it really does apply. Money or the lack of it is contagious.
Taking care of yourself is taking care of everyone around you. I read somewhere that you do not have to earn rest. You do not have to be busy all the time to prove productivity. We were socialised to be busy, as African mothers do not like to see anyone, especially their daughters and daughters in law resting.
So we are always busy trying to prove how much work we can do, not how productive we can be, especially during the holidays.
My sisters, if you can, hire a catering company for those get-togethers and even some cleaning ladies. Your mother-in-law will survive. After she has told everyone you are finishing her beloved son’s money.
Do not trade your career, your money, your children for ‘love’ of anything/one. Any relationship (men, family ,even God/church) that requires you to sacrifice things that are important to you is toxic.
Do not fear inconvenience. Everything does not have to go your way. Everything cannot be resolved at once. Many times, it is a learning experience and most times, delay saves you from even bigger mistakes. Learn to roll with the punches.
Not all who hang around you in your dark days care about you. Many like to watch as you bleed. The sound of your life falling apart lulls their own insecurities. Do not mistake small tokens as people being there for you. Remember they feed bulls then give them alcohol for entertainment.
Stand up for yourself. Things, life, happen to everyone. You have just chosen to be a coward. You are not weak, others are not stronger than you. No one owes you anything.
Try as much as possible to be a good friend all the while, knowing that a good friend does not mean allowing anything in that relationship.
Growing old is a privilege denied to many. As I start this new year, my desire is to continue to learn and live as fully as I can manage.
Have a happy New Year folks.
