“A home that is built on another woman’s tears will not stand.”
There was a time I would have underlined that sentence, clapped and said a few amens. Back when I was wounded and in need of a lifeline.
These days, I smile and hope for the healing of the people involved.
Wait, I know that feeling. When you want justice and vindication, when you want everyone to hurt like you are hurting, a hundred times more. When you feel so much hate and love at the same time. It is a horrible space to be in.
Sadly, the world does not work like that. Two adults will decide they want to be together and there is really nothing you can do about it unless you want to break the law.
People try to calm you down, appease you really by saying thoughtless things like, “God will repay you!” with what? Five new husbands? Maybe he will erase your stretch marks and iron your sagging belly Or “He/she will suffer!” How exactly? In fact, when? I need timelines, please.
Will it be more suffering than the average human faces? Because everyone at some point loses a job or is broke or becomes ill. And if they die, we all die. It is not suffering to die. Then the best is of course, “ their home will not stand”
Nani, it will stand. If they want it to. Do not be fooled to sit around waiting and watching for cracks in that relationship. Sure, you will see them, but in your moment of gloating, can you stop to realise that your life has been at a standstill. You have not lived for 20 or 30 years waiting for God to answer your prayer of breaking them up. Who exactly has won? Even if they break up after those 20 years?
My father used to tell us that if we got a chance to live in a palace for two months that we should take it and make it the most memorable two months. Even if we had to go back to a shack after that. He came from a time where many people would have rather stayed in a shack throughout than have the two-month bliss.
You see, as you waited for cracks, they had their few months or even decades of bliss as you sat in your shack and waited for those who climbed the ladder to fall down. What a waste.
I am not in any way disputing the pain one goes through. Listen, no one wants to start over. It is daunting to think that you will start with another human. To reach a time when you can gather the guts to fart in their presence, get used to their body smells and chewing, it is hectic my friend. And this is just the superficial stuff. Getting someone who does not change the PH of your vagina, who you think you can align with spiritually is not easy, especially seeing that you are not a teenager.
You must, however, resist the urge to self-sabotage thinking the other person will look back and somehow feel guilty. Or, that they will come back. You must want to survive and thrive. You must want to live your life. You must want a chance at happiness. For yourself. That does not involve another’s unhappiness.
Nothing will happen to those two adults apart from the ordinary. If he was beating you, he will most likely beat her but the difference is who decides to take the beating and who decides to go. If he neglected you, maybe she just wants people to know she has a man, so she will stay in that situation. So it is no cause for celebration when they do not “stand”, the man is the same, it is that woman who decides to withstand him or not.
Listen though, if he is not looking after his children or she has abandoned her children, then karma, God, ancestors or whoever you decide will deal. This is because children grow and as is the cycle of life, they look after us. Woe betide you if your offspring have a good memory.
But adults? Hakuna nani, just go on with your life.
