We are in the sixth month of 2021 and still men will not respect a woman, her decision or authority.
You will tell a man who is pursuing you, “No thanks. I just don’t see it or us. You are not my type.”
He will hear, “she is playing hard to get, push harder, spam her with forwards, like and comment inappropriately on all her facebook posts”
You will then be forced to come up with a myriad of excuses. “I have children and a hyena and recently adopted a crocodile, I worship the moon, I have a hump and I have married a cow, he has bought me a house.”
Nothing.
Until you get a man, yours or someone else’s to call him up and say, this is my woman. Or answer your phone when he is calling on the phone to say,”mama ako kwa bafu!” Nothing you say is heard or understood.
If a woman chased a man like that, she would be labelled crazy and/ or desperate. When a man does it, the woman is encouraging him. She is not setting boundaries. What ducking boundary do you want beyond no? Barbed wire? A cease and desist?
My favourite one, “if a woman is assertive she will not send missed signals!” Where is the mixed in ‘no’? It is a simple easy to understand two letter word.
Just saying “no, thanks!” should be good enough for a man who is not rapey. Whether you whisper it, shout or text.
You would think the professional or business world would be different. I needed some paint work done so I called in someone to have a look and give me a quote. The man came in and looked around. Measured lengths and breadths and muttered a few things under his breath and then asked, “ni kwako?” As if I would call him to paint at my neighbor’s place.
He then proceeds to give me an astronomical quote. I tried to bargain, he was not budging. The cost of paint, labour, fuel, Covid, BBI. The list was endless.
Finally I said to him, “Sawa, Mzee atakupigia”. Suddenly it is “ulikua na ngapi?” Tell Mzee we will work with his budget” I wonder what happened to the economic crisis that would not allow him to cede before Mzee was involved.
A woman put together a company. Invested good money. She offers financial services. A male client walks in seeking said facilities. Of course he does not have the right documentation or security and seeks to talk to her boss.
She is the boss. Surely it cannot be. Maybe her husband, who has set up the business for her as a way to keep her busy. Again she is the boss. He now decides to ‘advice’ her on how to run the business. One wonders why he cannot take his advice and run a similar business to help himself.
The year is 2021 jowa! A woman wants to run for a political seat. She needs a husband to be respected. Never mind that she is advanced in age, has probably raised some children and built a name for herself on her own. It is still not enough. If she needs respect, then she must get a man.
By the way, this treatment is from men from all walks of life. They are ok with you until you become their lead or boss. Suddenly you might not know what you are doing because you have lady parts. But if you have a man giving you instructions in the background, everyone is happy.
Listen, I am a fan of men, of masculine energy. I love it. Mzee has made life easier for me no doubt. I just have an issue with it being a necessity. Like an identity card. I have an issue with my word, my hard work, my achievements meaning nothing to most because I choose not to have or involve a man. Most of all because I am a woman.
My decision as a woman is enough.
