- Let us normalise being with people who want to be with us
- The law is not emotional, once you kill that man, there are consequences. Protect your mental health
You know no prayer you can coin, no fasting, no sacrificial offering, no witchcraft or charm can manipulate a man. Yet they sit there and tell you all the rubbish you should try. They send you back with rhetorics such as “women do not divorce in our family”
One relative, older than I am told another relative, younger than I am that I have too much time on my hands. I should settle down. With my day job, side gigs, raising four children and three cats, and, everything in between, I am too idle. I need a husband. You know marriage is not easy. I need difficulty in my life. So I should spend all this free time I have now praying and fasting, oh and crying over a man. Then I will be a good woman, who has her hands full.
You may have noticed the increase in domestic violence. Some women have become very rabid in their style lately. Gnawing to death and even biting off ears. I blame our older female relatives. The aunties, the older female cousins and sometimes even our mothers. It is their fault that women stick in marriages until it goes belly up. They never give us room to say it did not work and allow us to be.
If you are not as hard-headed as I am, you will stay because of the way they either cajole and blackmail you into staying or outright try to shame you. Treat you like there is something wrong with you.
Marriage is not easy. I accept. I have tried. I know. You are two people from different worlds, driven together by lust mostly. Sometimes we call it God’s will or plan. Whatever, but your body parts bring you together. You now want to ‘start’ life. You hope you are in alignment. You both put up a good show for each other while you courted. If you are lucky, he may only chew loudly or snore and fart a lot. If you are not, he may like to beat you, neglect you and or bring home souvenirs like babies or STDs.
When you start experiencing strange things in your marriage, you will obviously first run to the older women. I used to excuse their behaviours and say they did not know any better but now I say duck that. Yes, you may have not known better, but you know the bad part.
There is no trophy for your suffering sis. The suffering you are enduring by trying to be a marriage martyr will only beget more suffering for the people you love.
You know when he starts beating you chances are that he will stop when he has killed you. You know that there is nothing you can do, no dress you can wear, no lotion or perfume you can apply, no food you can cook, no sexual position you can try to make a man love you.
You know no prayer you can coin, no fasting, no sacrificial offering, no witchcraft or charm can manipulate a man. Yet they sit there and tell you all the rubbish you should try. They send you back with rhetorics such as “women do not divorce in our family”. “You are going to spoil for your younger sisters coming behind you”. “Where will you be buried?” “Men are like that, even this Uncle of yours was worse, but now he is behaving.” (Because he has diabetes and high blood pressure Aunty! He needs a nurse, you are the only one stupid enough to use your golden years looking after a man who treated you like s***.) “It is a woman who makes the marriage!” “Are you praying?”
Then one day when the pressure becomes too much; the humiliation is devastating; the neglect is unbearable; the beatings are at fever pitch; the mental anguish like hot lava looks for an outlet. At the moment, you grab a knife and without knowing it, it is in his chest, then his stomach, then his face and his neck. Or you lunge at him as he attempts to walk away from a conversation. You were trying to get him to see reason, but he is so arrogant towards you. Something takes over you. You scratch and bite. Then he stops moving. What have you done?
Is jail better than divorce? Would you rather have a killer in the family? Are the children better off with one parent in jail and another dead?
We need to care about ourselves first. Duck what anyone thinks. Let us normalise being with people who want to be with us. Because listen, the law is not emotional, once you kill that man, there are consequences. Protect your mental health.
I have been called an inciter. Today I really hope someone chooses their mental health and in so doing, choose themselves and the people they hold dear.
There is no trophy for your suffering sis. The suffering you are enduring by trying to be a marriage martyr will only beget more suffering for the people you love.