Save yourself the hustle and figure out your man

I do not know if it comes with age, but women, you must know that man you have decided you love or live with.

Last week I wrote about being the witch in your man’s life. This is because there are some men who thrive when there is a bit of mistreatment. Masochists. You need to understand if this is the type of person you have. They may complain about a previous girlfriend or wife being unkind to them. This may lead you to believe he wants to be treated well. Then you will find that the other woman treats him like a dog and he keeps going back.

I have a friend who has been married for years. He is an old man now and still hustles like a 20-year-old man. He said to me, “Felly, my wife is used to a certain lifestyle, if I don’t give it to her she will leave me.” ( At that age he still fears his wife can leave him, while some of you think a 20-something-year-old can go nowhere). That cannot be true yawa, I said to him, laughing. You have children and you seem to be a reasonable man. She must love you. “She said to me once that she loves my children. She doesn’t have any more love to give me,” he replied. And they have been happily married for more than 20 years.

I realised that woman had figured out the man she had married. Fear can be a great motivator.

What I am saying is there is no blueprint for relationships. Women need to be alert and attentive to their men. Put down the fairytales, please. All those novels we read, the RnB songs we listened to and all the quizzes we have taken in the magazines mean nothing out here. It is a jungle and the animals are different kwa ground.

If you notice that when you go to the local your man is very attentive to the waitress or that he likes the housemaids, yours or the neighbours, he is saying something. He likes the servitude type of woman. Try not to think too much. Just be at his beck and call. Sometimes, do not wear deodorant. He likes natural body smells. So save your perfumes for yourself, special occasions and away matches.

Another man once said to me, “Every time I get home, I find she has bathed, put on perfume and lit scented candles. Sometimes she even puts petals on the bed. The place just smells like a perfumery and I hate it! I want natural smells!” Just think of all the money that woman could save if she knew what type of man she has.

If he is a workaholic. The type that gets excited when he talks about his projects and whatnot. Learn those things, my friend. Or at the very least gather enough knowledge to be useful when he vents. “Can you believe John sent the client the work in excel full of errors?” to which you would reply, “ I can’t believe after all these years he would still spreadsheet!” (I know this joke will be wasted on so many of you.) You get my point though?

Figure your bugger out. Not just how to treat him, but his love language too. Valentine’s was a couple of weeks ago. The number of disappointed women still surprise me.

Listen, if you have been with a man for at least a year you ought to have figured him out. You are not a teenager, why are you still daydreaming of surprises that involve flowers and plane rides or whatever other wild surprise you can conjure up?

This man, as far as he is concerned, loves you because he comes home daily and you do not live on a tree because he has provided a home. You drive a car that maybe he paid for or fuels. Maybe every Saturday he brings home a mbuzi to roast. You on the other hand are moody because he did not come home carrying flowers. What is your problem? Do you want to eat flowers?

Stop looking at your neighbour or friend and what is going on at theirs. Remember the grass always looks greener because there is something wrong with your eyesight.