Mark of a true family leader

My mother told me a story of a certain prominent personality who insisted on knowing about a man’s family before hiring him for a managerial post. The reasoning behind it was simple. If the man could not manage four or five people (give or take) there was no way he could manage a group of people at work.

I wonder how many men would have jobs if this was a compulsory component of interviews. I would like to say this. If a marriage has failed, it is a man’s fault. Simple. Cry and throw tantrums if you must. When you are done the statement will be still waiting for you to accept.

A man is the head of the home. Men want to be leaders. Men are born to take charge of their unit. It is in religious scripts, and African culture dictates as much. With leadership, my friend, comes responsibility. Many want to be ceremonial heads. A leader takes the fall for his team. Even when you find your woman under someone else, it is your fault. You dropped the ball somewhere. Own it.

Imagine if you will, walking into some company office. The secretary is trying his or her best to put things together because her boss has decided to work from the neighbouring office because he likes their big chairs. The tea girl has not come to work so you cannot get refreshments. The other employees are doing their own side gigs during company time.

The secretary keeps calling the boss who has one excuse after another. The secretary does her boss’s job as best as she can, please take into account that she is not trained for what she is trying to do. So the stress levels are dangerously high, she keeps crying and making emotional decisions. The boss occasionally walks in to ask for a file or a report. The secretary tells him to ask the other employees, how should she know?

You finally corner the boss and he goes off onto a tangent. Blaming everyone, their grandmother and their pet hyena. “Secretary ‘told’ me to ask for reports from the tea girl” “When I came to pick the file, I was scared because I saw a mouse pass by” “She never updates me on what’s going on” “The client said he spoke to her and she did not tell me!”

You can see how that can be very messy. Why do we think it is any different when a family unit breaks down? Why do we excuse the ‘family bosses’ when they are fumbling and blaming everyone else?

Men have reasons why their families fell apart and it usually never involves them. ‘It is my wife’, whom he chose on his own by the way, he did not wake up and find her in his house like that guy who was sleeping in some garden. The children are noisy and dirty. You know he lacks the skills to discipline his own children or the map to where the shower is.

‘The children are too many, this woman gives birth every year’. As if when he was climbing on her he thought she would give birth to sweet potatoes. She wears unfashionable clothes, she is fat, she is thin, she smells, she is a witch, she cannot cook, she wants to kill me. Nani, do you hear how ridiculous you sound?

Even if it breaks down, take responsibility, more so if you have children. You are still a father. (Side note to women who want to have children with men who do not look after their children from previous relationships, your own karma is doing Crossfit. Stop riding for these buffoons, and if you went ahead and had kids with him, the man is the same)

Fatherhood is not paying one bill and not allowing us to breathe. “I paid the maid. I paid the maid!” Silly goose, you do know there are other bills? Why not also shout you paid rent, fees, hospital bills and bought food, bikes and clothes for your children?

Let us stop blaming wives and children for the family break-ups. This is not to say that you cannot fail, you can, but it is your fault. Learn the lessons and should you get another leadership post, do better. Remember once a father, always one so no matter how many leadership posts you get, look after your kids and stop bitching.

Anyway, nimesema kwa kipoooole.

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