Trigger phrases to give you pause

My mother often told us to take seriously what someone said to us in conversation. Whether in passing or intentionally. You will find out what that person thinks of you and what their plans for you are. It does not have to be in the heat of an argument. Another person said, “people often tell on themselves, just listen.”

After being on this good earth for almost 42 years and from vast conversations with my friends, pre and post relationships, I can confidently say that men, often tell us what they are about and women do not listen. Or we hear but refuse to understand. Let me help us out with a few common phrases and possible outcomes. If you have more, please write to me and let me know.

‘I do not like drama’. Never in the history of human beings has a man who has said this never caused drama. What you are being told is he is the star, you are the adoring fan. You do not call him out on anything, you do not express any discomfort. Women are good at pretending they are not ‘drama queens’ because they want the award—man. Listen, if he is drama free, he will not need to mention it. The fact that he is shouting about it, my sister, prepare for lights, camera, action!

‘I want a “mature” woman. One who will understand me and love me unconditionally through thick and thin’. This one is in the same WhatsApp group as the drama one. This guy really just needs Jesus and his mother. This ‘loving a man through thick and thin’ is a scam. What you are being told here is that there will be transgressions, grave ones that will be continuous, but you must not leave him. Maturity is not letting horse dung slide yawa. What he is asking for is someone he can emotionally abuse.

‘We are adults’. This is usually followed by some coaxing, often towards a sexual activity. Mother ducker I know I am a grown-up. Heck, the government knows. This kind of monkey is the type who wants to hit and run but you have figured him out early. Cornered, he will try to age shame you.

“Your friends are lying to you because they do not have husbands or boyfriends of their own.” I often wonder about this buster. I would have a problem being with someone whose friends have that much power over them. He tries to make you think it is you and him against the world. This is how he isolates you so you only believe him. Then he can spin the story any which way he wants. Abuse is almost always in the cards.

‘I can tell you anything. That is why I like what we have because it is not a prison.’ This one is a sadist. He knows you like him, but he will tell you about his other conquests. Since you are a masochist, you will be grinning like a lizard while he tears your insides apart.

‘I told you everything. I was honest and straightforward, what more do you want from me?’ This cartoon thinks that the reward for being honest is sex or forgiveness. He demands it. No one told him that society expects us to behave. We are not in a kindergarten class where we are applauded for doing the right thing. Actions have consequences that are not necessarily desirable.

‘You are a strong woman’. Listen, we do what we have to do, very rarely it is what we would rather be doing. Like being a single parent. When a man starts off by telling you how strong you are, he is basically telling you he has no intentions of making your load lighter. He is in there for what you can get and once he has conditioned you to believe you are a superhero, are you really going to expect anything?

‘I am a jealous man’. This screams insecurity and possible abuse. It is usually cute at the beginning when you are always being asked who you were with, where you were and the endless calls. Until one day the green-eyed monster lays hands on you, and not in the name of the lord.

The tale of the emperor’s new coat finally makes sense after I learnt that it was King Solomon who killed Goliath. If you throw money at people, they can turn absurdities into reality to make you happy.

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