Submission not code word for abuse

There is a word that has been used to abuse women. Submission. The word itself is not bad. The dictionary says it is the action of yielding to a superior force, an act of surrender, humility, the action of presenting a proposal. At no point does it say the act of being dense.

Women have bought into a narrative and are being all the things that submission is not. This is not the time to give your brain a break because you want to be a ‘good’ woman.

A lady works hard for her money. Eight to five she toils. She takes her salary and hands it over to her husband because she is a good woman. She has done nothing wrong, yet. In an ideal world, we would be nodding in agreement. She then says to her husband that she has some needs and could use some of her money (that she has already handed over to the husband) She needs some undergarments (panties).

He asks to see the ones she has because he does not believe she needs any. She brings them and he proceeds to inspect them. He puts them in two groups. Group one just needs bleach and group two will be good as new if she learns to use a needle and thread. Submission, yielding to a superior (not just physically, but in thinking). This man is not superior. This is not submission. This is abuse.

Humility is not a fashion sense. Someone said to me a good wife is one who is submissive. I said, “What do you mean?” He said one who is humble. “Explain further,” I prodded. She is simple in her dressing. Has short nails, does not wear heels, her hair is natural and she wears decent dresses.

I did not want to go into what he meant by ‘decent’ because my patience these days competes with my salary on who will get used up first. Dressing the way you want has nothing to do with being a submissive woman. You cannot use the idea of submission as a tool of control. Only those who cannot control themselves try to control others.

Most of you subscribe to the Bible, and you glory in reciting this particular verse that says, “wives submit to your husbands”. First of all, it is not women, it is wives, to their husbands. I am not automatically submissive, I must be a wife. So my husband can only know I am submissive AFTER he loves me as Christ loved the Church, and you know He loved it so much it is said He died for it.(Read the verses that follow) Would you die for your wife/wives?

So ladies, stop trying to pretend to be something you are not. You can only yield to your husband because he has created an environment that is conducive for submission. Stop feigning meekness, it is unbecoming.

Being long-suffering is not submission. You cannot just accept physical and emotional abuse silently because a good wife does not talk back, does not speak up for herself. Please refer to the dictionary or the Bible depending on your religious inclination.

You can be a submissive wife and still have an opinion, set healthy boundaries and have a personality.

Women, I hope we are on the same page now. Submission is not accepting anything and pretending or trying to be what we are not. Men, we have agreed we cannot use submission as a way to try and control or abuse women, instead, you will be superior (in reasoning and how you treat women) or Christ-like and create environments suitable for submissive women.

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk

Meanwhile, I know it feels like this year is something straight out of satan’s derriere. Consider this, people have always died, there has always been a scary disease, bad things have always happened. The difference is, this year, we have been forced to slow down by the powers that be. What has happened is that we now have more time to really feel things without the distraction of the fast-paced life. 2020 is not cursed. Breathe through it, it will come together.

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