Live on your own terms and loudly

I look at millennial women and smile. While I may not agree with everything they do, you must agree they have spunk. Too ‘woke’ sometimes but it is better to live on your own terms. Life is yours and there are no do-overs.

Today I want to talk to me and other women around my age. The generation X and baby boomers. We are the ones who got the short end of the stick, I do not care what anyone says. Everything we were taught was around getting a husband and staying married. I am not saying these are bad things, quite the contrary.

The problem is that everything was what men wanted, no one asked us what we wanted. “Men do not like women who say this or that.” “Men like women who wear this not that”

Since we are closer to dying (it is nature please do not pretend you thought you would be alive forever) we might as well start living. Listen, friend, when this is over, we are going to do dead people things like haunt our children’s enemies and drink libation. There is no coming back. A lot holds us back though. It is so sad that our ‘big’ age, we still believe nonsense.

Stupidity is not a desired dating or relationship trait. Just stop being stupid. Why do you want to dumb down to “keep” a man? Then after years of being a fool, he still does what he wants? Be yourself, voice opinions, mostly, use your brain. It is in your skull for a reason, otherwise, God would have filled that space in your head with seaweed.

Silence is not a virtue. Especially when you are aggrieved. Or even when you are happy. My millennial cousin sent me a message and asked me what my idea of living loud is. I told you these millennial women know what they want. Loud? I repeated to myself. Well, I know I am not going down quietly. Whether I am happy or sad.

We have been taught to be silent. When good things happen do not talk about your wins, you come off as disrespectful, to men mostly. This has really affected us in the workplace. It is hard for us to talk about our achievements. We are unable to sell ourselves and what we bring. We think some unseen force will shine a light on us and because we are so quiet and good, our great works will be written on the ceiling for all to see.

It is even worse when we are pained. No one wants you to talk. You do not want to talk. You do not want to inconvenience those who cause you pain, because a silent woman is more attractive. Zora Neale Hurston said, “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”

Oh, and how we have been silent. The day we speak up everyone thinks that we have been negatively influenced by someone who does not want our happiness. As if we were happy because we were not complaining. So I say we should live life loudly. Everyone will adjust.

A woman said to me, “When you are older, you will just want peace”. This was because I was complaining about how someone had behaved.

How am I supposed to be content with mistreatment in the name of peace? Is peace being a doormat? Why should I make it easy for people to mistreat me so I can be known as a peaceful human? It is toxic to try and appease your tormentor. You are not being peaceful, you are not looking out for yourself.

Then there is the habit of explaining ourselves and trying to justify our existence. We are here, everyone is going to have to contend with that. Take up your space and do your thing. You don't owe anybody anything. Not a flat stomach nor youth. We do not need permission to say what we think or even how we think.

We are not getting any younger, these are strange times we live in. Live your life my sister, stop trying to be a wallflower.

Once a man said the reason he was leaving his wife was that she was a witch. I was so amused. His father probably thought his mother was a witch too (apples do not fall far from the tree). I wonder what that makes him? Anyway, we are witches to different people, that should not scare you. What should, is living a life that is not yours.

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