• In case you missed it, my closing remarks: A woman should do what she wants with her vagina. I hope she always chooses to do what brings her pleasure, whatever form that may take.
• So some men, well, majority if my emails are anything to go by, have a problem with women doing what they want with their bodies and most especially, if it involves pleasure on the woman's side
Well, it seems I upset many people last week. What surprised me though is the near silence of the women and the loud discomfort of most men.
The emails came fast and furious. One man said he was troubled by my conclusion because “a conclusion gives the reader a sense of what the writer believes in”. Why would I write something I do not believe?. He continued to say that HE did not believe ‘our body parts’(I think he meant vagina) were created by the CREATOR (I hope you are trembling) to focus on pleasure. That, I should consider that and change my mindset. Maybe I do not believe that I was ‘created’, but that I walked out of Nam Lolwe, has anyone considered this?
Another interesting email said that by making that statement, “it ends up dehumanising women also because she begins to abuse other's humanity.” How does doing what I want with my own vagina, for example, abuse another’s humanity?
The one that shocked me most is one who said that if we “allow” women to do with their vaginas as they wish, they will become promiscuous. “... there's no logical record that a man can become ill by being securely promiscuous. But a lady can have malignancy on the off chance that she has various sexual partners.”
I have so many questions about this sentence and its author, but mostly I am in shock.
In case you missed it, my closing remarks: A woman should do what she wants with her vagina. I hope she always chooses to do what brings her pleasure, whatever form that may take.
So some men, well, majority if my emails are anything to go by, have a problem with women doing what they want with their bodies and most especially, if it involves pleasure on the woman's side.
Society has worked hard to deny women any pleasure, even when it comes to food. The best parts of the slaughtered animal went to men. Men had the luxury of sitting around and enjoying the pleasure of each other's company, while a good woman never sat down or involved herself in "gossip" with fellow women. FGM was meant to keep a woman from being "loose", really, kept a woman from enjoying sex. Only prostitutes enjoy sex apparently.
It is no surprise then that when I said that we should do as we please with our vaginas, good men, men who know the Creator's mind are worried. Worried for society! Women will become promiscuous. You know promiscuity is only a sin when women are indulging. When a man is promiscuous, he is a true African man. As if she can be promiscuous without men or a man without women. We are all promiscuous, let us stop pretending the right-hand does not know what the left is doing.
Consider, if you may, that doing what you want with your vagina does not necessarily mean partaking of the great sin with everyone. That it may mean giving it to who I want. That there is no pressure from a man or everyone around me to give in to sex without being told, "si sabuni, haitaisha!" Or because I slept with you once (and probably hated it) you somehow think you have a right to my body.
I always remember what my mother (RIP) said to me when I got pregnant.
She asked me if I enjoyed the sex. She said if I did not, I must not go back. (I went back and had more children, but that is another story). My mother said there are few things more unbearable than sex with a man who disgusts you. Small wonder why sex workers are always high on something.
Culture is not a reason to deny women pleasure. Neither is religion.
Doctor Tererai Trent in an interview said that women have been denied their right to their erotic power. Women are silenced through sexual abuse and, I add, in the online space, through shaming and bullying.
The sad part is that some women take part in the shaming and self-loathing. Proclaiming they are worth nothing. Ashamed of their sensuality they claim they are just muscles and mucus, no better than a hole in the ground.
Dear women, you have a right to pleasure. Dear men, deal with it.
Women have a right to pleasure. Whatever form it takes, whatever body part they decide to use.