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BUYER'S REMORSE

How to interpret his actions

If he is irritable, he does not want to talk unless he starts the conversation...

In Summary
  • He acquires a taste for a strange music genre...
  • Or, he suddenly decides he loves to read...

My sister and I were walking in the market the other while discussing the obvious. Men. She was telling me an all-too-familiar story about how one of her friends was having a problem with her guy and wondering what the problem could be, and me being myself (laughing in spiritual powers), I told her the obvious. It was the early stages of a (new) girlfriend in their lives.

I have made it my thing to understand, figure out, discern men’s actions. It is not rocket science really. Men are pretty simple beings. Women just like complicating simple things. There is nothing new men do. King Solomon of the Bible said there is nothing new under the sun.

There are the men who start answering phones in the toilet, never leave their phones anywhere or will literally fly to get to his phone so that no one answers it. Those are amateurs. Let me tell you about some professionals.

 

So listen, if your man suddenly starts being irritable. He wants to be left alone when he comes in from work or wherever. He sleeps a lot. It could be work related. Or he has financial problems. Now, if he is just sleeping all day, maybe he has a hangover or is just lazy.

If he is irritable, he does not want to talk unless he starts the conversation, yells at you and the children and criticises everything – from the way you cook and serve food to the way you sit on his sofas while watching his TV – my dear, he has ‘buyer’s remorse’.

He is comparing you to his side madam with the quiet house, no screaming children or sofas with peanut butter stains. She who peels her tomatoes before cooking them unlike you who just chops them roughly and throws them in the sufuria while checking the kids’ homework. The one with the 100 per cent pure white cotton bedsheets who has satin house slippers and her hair in a bun.

This is a very bright chap, I mean think about it. Kate sees your man with a woman in a club, the next day you are all attending a party. Your man drinks himself silly and then starts shouting, “Do you people see this woman, Mama Boi, she is the love of my life, I love only her!” You, Mama Boi, seated next to him, grinning like a lizard thinking you have the best man, would you believe Kate?

He acquires a taste for a strange music genre (remember you have known this man for years. Yes, sometimes we like one song from Akothee or Cardi B, but we will not start trying to figure out her whole album and download it). Or, he suddenly decides he loves to read (when you know the only thing he reads is Andrew Kibe’s posts on Facebook). He now starts walking around with a novel that has a stupid pink bookmark and ribbon hanging from it. My sister, at least she is not illiterate.

Call a man to ask him where he is and he says he is at the market. Fair enough. But he does not come home with any vegetables. Meanwhile when you called he was telling you how impressed he was by the market, that the tomatoes and mangoes were fresh. Your co-wife/ girlfriend goes to the market on the day you have called.

When you go out to the disco or to an event and he gets very drunk (usually to get courage to say elementary dung), then he starts swearing on everything holy and his mother that he loves you. Loudly for all to hear. He will even make sure he has specific people’s attention while he says you are the love of his life (as if he has just found out), he has never loved anyone but you.

He is simply announcing to those who have found him in compromising situations that they should not bother telling you about his other conquest(s), he has made sure you will not believe them. This is a very bright chap, I mean think about it. Kate sees your man with a woman in a club, the next day you are all attending a party. Your man drinks himself silly and then starts shouting, “Do you people see this woman, Mama Boi, she is the love of my life, I love only her!” You, Mama Boi, seated next to him, grinning like a lizard thinking you have the best man, would you believe Kate?

 

I will also add that be careful not to tell a woman the obvious. Many prefer that we pretend the pig looks wonderful in lipstick. I prefer knowing to walking around with my dress in my underwear.

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