RULE BOOK

Phone etiquette in the age of corona

I for one feel it is rude when someone texts me in all caps.

In Summary
  • Just because we are chatting, do not think that you can automatically video call me.
  • Understanding who you are chatting also goes for the church people who think they are going somewhere better after this.

Is anyone else getting about 10 promotional texts per hour? From your bank(s), mobile provider, your local bar, the supermarkets and pretty much everywhere you have ever paid by mobile money? I understand things are different, difficult even, and they are trying to keep afloat, but can someone tell them to use some intelligence.

The well has run dry. I do not have hundreds of thousands to transfer for free. I am probably already drunk so I do not need two mzingas that come with a free hoodie (also, I live in my sleeping clothes nowadays), we are cooking our own food now and I do not care to follow the link to see what your company’s new policies are in relation to Covid-19. Just tell me once, send me one text. Otherwise, it is harassment.

So now that we have been forced to socialise primarily through our hand-held devices, it is only fair that we observe a few rules. This is for our own safety and enjoyment. (Smile)

I for one feel it is rude when someone texts me in all caps. Are you shouting at me? Is there something wrong with your eyesight or your phone? Unless you are arguing, just do not do that. Also do not add all the exclamation marks and question marks. One is enough.

Just because we are chatting, do not think that you can automatically video call me. Yes, I am chatting you, but I may look like a cast member from the ‘sisi ni majitu’ movie. Or maybe I am seated on the toilet. Or I am with someone who will not appreciate the video call. Warn someone first. Better still, schedule the video call.

Have you ever made the mistake of laughing at a meme someone forwarded to you and now they are forwarding 10 memes per second? Nani, please. Just the one was funny. We are not friends like that. Take it slowly, Lord of the memes.

Before you get on your phone and start jabbering, ask the other person if they are ok. Ask them if you could rant to them. Sometimes people are walking through their valleys and your rant, though significant to you, sounds insensitive to them. You are complaining about chewing when someone has no food or a spouse when someone is marking a death day, etc.

Understand your chat mate. There are some people who do not know who to send what. You cannot send pornographic videos to colleagues. Sure, she asked you how you were coping with social distancing. She was being polite. She does not want to share kinks with you.

Understanding who you are chatting also goes for the church people who think they are going somewhere better after this. Respect my choice of not wanting to be with you in the afterlife. Even if your messages and forwards are ‘clean’, they are not always acceptable.

Warn the other person if you are about to send something lewd. Yes, you send each other those type of videos often but you do not always know where they are or if their sound is on.

Kindly authenticate information before you share. Not because we will believe everything you share but because we might judge you and your ability to think. We can excuse our old relatives on WhatsApp for believing the world is ending on April 12, but you?

 

With all that is going on, we are more accepting of “meeting” online. You may single out someone from the WhatsApp group you are on and even think you like them. Once you introduce yourself, please just trust me, they believe you are a man. No need to send pictures of your member to prove it.

Sometimes we want to rant. You wish you had a tiger so that you could feed it your ex. Or your children will not shut up. Maybe you have discovered your better half chews loudly, with their mouth open and it is driving you up the ducking wall.

Before you get on your phone and start jabbering, ask the other person if they are ok. Ask them if you could rant to them. Sometimes people are walking through their valleys and your rant, though significant to you, sounds insensitive to them. You are complaining about chewing when someone has no food or a spouse when someone is marking a death day, etc.

Finally, whatever someone sends us, no matter how ‘artistic’, it was meant for our eyes only. And when we are no longer friends, let us learn to delete them not leak them to the public. I am sure people are finding new ways to express themselves.

Check on one another, sanitise, wash hands, physically distance.

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