Things that make me go hmmm

Someone said the coronavirus pandemic will show us just how dense the population is. Well, it is showing now that we do not have much to do but observe. So a few things have really been harassing me this past few weeks.

One, of course, is the one who has branded herself a sexually liberated woman. Wah! Listen, we can manage secretaries wanting to be called PAs, watchmen wanting to be called soldiers and those living in Dagoretti calling it lower Karen, but this is not a liberated woman, at least that is not the term.

Be that as it may, my struggle of choice in this whole fiasco is more on the ‘moral of the story’ that is peddled. One person said that women who behaved like that ‘liberated’ one would not get husbands. “Look,” they continued, “her husband is divorcing her!” (First off, that husband yawa, he really did not know?) Anyway, she has three children and over 40 or in that vicinity. So according to some, the tragedy is now she has no husband and who will want her after that? At her age, with all her children?

Basically, women should behave because if they do not, they will not get a husband and it is worse if they are old and or have children. Why can’t we just do the right thing because it is the right thing to do? Because we are members of society and there is a way we are expected to behave? Decorum.

Why can’t we just do right by our partners because we respect them? Not because men cannot forgive and women can. We are not dogs to be trained with ‘treats’. “Be good dear girl, oh! Here is a husband. Good girl!” Yes, it is a man’s world, and women are also in it. Can we get over our horse dung.

I came across a very interesting quote by David Shamala. “There is no middle class in Africa. There is poverty masked with graduation masks and poverty.” I call us the closet poor. We have been exposed enough to know that we need indoor plumbing, in most cases how to use a fork and knife and the latest looks for Spring. We are well versed in the art of keeping up appearances.

But who is corona? Definitely not one to respect our hard work. Quarantine and curfew have made it that many must now stay in close quarters with spouses. It was easier to hide abuse when the abuser would come home late, or you could jump in your car and flee to wherever. Quietly, of course.

We, the closet poor, do not go out screaming when we are being beaten like the slum or village woman seeking help. We want to ‘stan’ for social media. And it is sad, because we are what we are not. So help is not readily (free) available. We cannot afford lawyers or therapists, we have loans to pay. What will the closet poor do?

Please note, abuse is not only physical, it is psychological and it can be financial. These hard economic times increase pressure on the closet poor. Which sometimes can lead to an increase in domestic abuse, yet all we hear is free water to slums, food aid to people in the slums, etc. Dear government, many poor people do not live in slums or informal settlements.

This last week I got an influx of emails from men accusing me of never saying positive things about men. I was even asked by one why I did not say anything about Tob Cohen’s death. To be fair really, what was I supposed to say? Can we wait for the law to take its course then we can all give our views?

Listen, I only write about what I see happen around me and what I experience. Nothing is fiction. I am a reflection of my surroundings. You want me to write ‘positive’ things about men? Over to you.

We always think we will be the exception. Until we are not. Why take a chance with your life and that of many others? Can we just follow government directives so that we can kick out corona quickly? This really is not the time to show us how highly you think of yourself. You could literally kill all your friends and family.

Social distancing, wash your hands, sanitise. We will overcome.

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