OF THE ESSENCE

How to know he’s wasting your time

You never know what new thing will threaten to wipe us out tomorrow.

In Summary
  • You have been talking for a couple of months now, drinks and the odd romp. You decide to ask where this ‘relationship’ is going.
  • He then tells you not to give him pressure, that you should take it easy and see where it goes.

This is not just for relationships, even business dealings. Because men who like wasting women’s time rarely have different tactics when dealing with women, whether professional or otherwise.

You raise an issue and he thinks his penis can solve it. “I’m not having a good day today, let us pick this up tomorrow.” Ducking cockroach has the nerve to ask you, “When was the last time you were laid?” This special reptile cannot think beyond his protruding organ. He will not only waste your time, he is a waste of time.

You have been talking for a couple of months now, drinks and the odd romp. You decide to ask where this ‘relationship’ is going. He then tells you not to give him pressure, that you should take it easy and see where it goes. I can tell you for free it is going nowhere, I can only hope that at the very least you are going to ecstasy. If not, please close that NGO.

Then there is the one who is proficient at disappearing. Magician of sorts. A performer. He has many tricks up his sleeves. When he is around, he keeps you busy. Running circles around you so that there is plenty of dust in the air. Never-ending calls, dates at hidden locals where he waits on you hand and foot. He never calls you by name (I do not think he knows your name)—baby, sweetheart, my darling.

He is always making grand plans. “Have you been to such and such?” he asks. You reply you have not, it is in fact on your bucket list. “We will go by helicopter next week!” He declares as he swallows more drink. Then poof! Gone. His phone goes unanswered, WhatsApp messages are delivered but unread. Till the next time when he reappears with the grandest of stories.

Someone said married people have jobs, children to raise and still have time to have affairs. I want to add that an African man can have three wives in three different homes and still have the odd girlfriend or three. This wannabe genius is wasting your time. He is probably pursuing others but does not want to let you go, just in case.

The name-dropper. This baboon knows everyone. Mention a certain Mhesh, they were drinking whiskey together yesterday. His stories are laced with who is who. For a minute you can fall for the adventure stories he tells. But does someone who knows everyone feel the need to keep announcing to anyone unless they are not used to it? It is like bragging about having water in my shower. I have been showering forever, I cannot sit people down to brag about it. I am used to it. I doubt Beyonce brags about knowing Jay-Z.

Anyway, you will soon find out that this wheeler-dealer has been blowing smoke up your derriere when you need a guest of honour for your event and you ask him to get Honourable so and so and he tells you the guy has been abroad for the last two months, meanwhile you saw him on telly yesterday commissioning a toilet in his constituency.

Now, this next guy has it made. Because society has done most of the work for him. You know that “women are better at multitasking” nonsense? Well, it comes to play in this situation. This is a clever man, we must give him that. He will put you on ice and his reason is, he is busy at work. This guy is so busy he cannot call you. If you want him to see you, you need clearance from King Nebuchadnezzar.

He has a mysterious report to write (you know he is the first man to ever write a report), he is working on a merger or overseeing the installation of a new solar panel. It is usually big things and since he is a man, he can only do one thing at a time. Unlike you who can bathe, put on your bra and oil yourself while responding to WhatsApp messages, you know, multitask. By the way, I hope women stopped listing multitasking as a skill on resumes.

Someone said married people have jobs, children to raise and still have time to have affairs. I want to add that an African man can have three wives in three different homes and still have the odd girlfriend or three. This wannabe genius is wasting your time. He is probably pursuing others but does not want to let you go, just in case.

Time is of the essence nowadays, you never know what new thing will threaten to wipe us out tomorrow. Look for someone who wants to be around you genuinely. All other excuses send to Diamond to use as lyrics in his next hit song.

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