- These days we do not cook. We can be found in dingy bars in our ill-fitting grey suits smoking and drinking amongst men.
- From afar you will not be able to tell the different genders. We are so hard because we have been grinding as hard as men. Our masculine energy rivals a lot of men's.
The other day a well-meaning father said to me that he was going to teach his daughters to be ‘independent’. I asked what the duck does that entail because you know what they say, when a man is looking for an ‘independent’ woman, he either has no gainful employment or is looking at quitting his job to mooch off miss independence. Was he setting his daughter up?
So he says he will teach her to make her own money, very good I think. He will teach her not to accept anything from anyone. Who is this anyone, what is anything? I wonder. She will be able to look after herself and not need a man. Yawa?
I get why you would not want a girl to need a man. We have seen what can happen to girls and women who depend wholly on men. This is why we are teaching our girls to make and manage their own money. But a woman needs a man and vice versa. Money is a good husband but it cannot hold you at night.
One of the things we have denied women, right from the time they were girls, is the right to be feminine. Someone came and told us that any role that was perceived to be feminine was a role meant to disenfranchise us.
These days we do not cook. We can be found in dingy bars in our ill-fitting grey suits smoking and drinking amongst men. From afar you will not be able to tell the different genders. We are so hard because we have been grinding as hard as men. Our masculine energy rivals a lot of men's. And because Daddy told us we do not need a man, we are the men. We buy drinks, pay rent and fees and bring home the bacon.
Yes, men die or they leave. Do not stop having expectations. You should be cared for. Do not stop being nurturing, do not stop being soft, do not stop being graceful. There is strength in femininity.
We do not let anyone do anything for us because we not know how to and besides, society shames any woman who needs and accepts help. Slay queen, golddigger are some of the labels given to such.
But what are you really doing to a woman if you deny her the right to be feminine? You take away her nurturing side. Now she cannot be that to her children because you have given her a masculine role which is to hunt, to provide. So you have not only displaced her, you have put her children at a disadvantage.
Yes, times have changed. While many of us did not see our fathers in the kitchen, for example, we are seeing a new breed of men who spend a lot of time in the kitchen. And they are not always cooks or chefs. Call me old fashioned but I wonder about these ones who post food on social media at home while you like the pictures from your desk or airport en route to somewhere. Anyway, that is another story.
I know women go to the bars. I go to bars. But if you have kids, be like this friend of mine who runs home to cook for the children first before landing in the club. And no matter how high-flying your job is, rock up in a colourful dress and pretty nails and smile. I swear you will have a good outcome. You put everyone at ease by looking girly then disarm them with your brilliance.
What I am saying is do not allow anyone to deny you the right to be feminine. You can choose to be denied, but then do not come around us with your bitterness. Some of the roles we have been bullied or hoodwinked into we cannot physically or emotionally manage.
Yes, men die or they leave. Do not stop having expectations. You should be cared for. Do not stop being nurturing, do not stop being soft, do not stop being graceful. There is strength in femininity.