LIVE AND LET LIVE

Live life unapologetically

I turn 41 the day after tomorrow; I'm loving it.

In Summary
  • As I have grown older, I have realised how much shame is used to try and control a woman. As I have grown older I have learnt not to give a duck.
  • I wish though these were lessons I would have been able to learn earlier. I wish I did not care much earlier.
Happy birthday to me...time to reminisce
Happy birthday to me...time to reminisce

I am hoping we had a good Christmas as earlier agreed. Just like that after waiting for a day all year, it comes and goes by so quickly; what a rip-off. The new clothes and gifts; all the food and drinks; the travel only to start rushing back. I think Easter is a better deal.

So the day after tomorrow I turn 41. Growing old is everything I imagined. Apart from not being able to understand my children's music and dance styles, I am loving it.

As I have grown older, I have realised how much shame is used to try and control a woman. As I have grown older I have learnt not to give a duck. I wish though these were lessons I would have been able to learn earlier. I wish I did not care much earlier.

 

The other day a man I know decided to engage me on WhatsApp. It started off as a reasonable chat that quickly deteriorated. Because I did not agree with what he was saying, it now became an issue of my having sex or lack thereof.

What does my thinking you are stupid have to do with whatever action my nether regions are getting or not getting? Why use a beautiful ‘game’ (twa twa) to try and embarrass me? I know many other women have gone through this. It is easier to be better read and knowledgeable so that you have a better rebuttal in an argument than “when did you last have sex?”

Staying in the privates, another famous shame tactic is menstruation. A woman just cannot be in a bad mood or not want to talk or just want to be assertive. It will all boil down to a body function. You are not a tampon, what really is your problem?

I was home a few weeks ago and an uncle told us how he would be sent to my grandfather's shop to buy my grandma and her friend booze and cigarettes. He would be told that if asked who they belonged to, he was to just say, “I have been sent”. I am so happy at least my grandmother and her friends had the pockets of enjoying themselves. So women of nowadays are the women of back then, only we are not hiding. (Cigarette smoking is harmful to your health!)

Then there is the age shaming. I have never gotten the point of this. For me growing old is a privilege I do not take lightly. My mother died at 47 years old. As I mentioned, I turn 41 in a day. I do not hide my age anywhere. But you will find the odd mongoose trying to use my age, mine that I am not denying, against me.

One said to me, “You are old and you are feeling good!” I do not know if it was meant to be an insult because it was all true.

I think the funniest has to be mummy shaming. “But you have kids!” Are you giving us news or are you convincing yourself? I know a lady who has seven children. Yes, seven. In Nairobi. Why does society expect you to accept anything because you have kids? What type of hood thinking is that? Children are a blessing. If anything the stakes should go up, you are coming with blessings.

When will a woman rest? Now that you have children, they still expect your body to look like it did 20 years ago. Things are bound to change and furthermore, health is of more importance. There is no shame in having a belly or stretch marks.

 

Then they do not like it when you are enjoying yourself. When you laugh too loud or your dress is too short (for them). When you enjoy your drink or like to dance. Suddenly everyone is uncomfortable. Then the cliche “women of nowadays” starts getting thrown around loosely. 

I was home a few weeks ago and an uncle told us how he would be sent to my grandfather's shop to buy my grandma and her friend booze and cigarettes. He would be told that if asked who they belonged to, he was to just say, “I have been sent”. I am so happy at least my grandmother and her friends had the pockets of enjoying themselves.

So women of nowadays are the women of back then, only we are not hiding. (Cigarette smoking is harmful to your health!)

I know the “you feminist” brigade is about to start. But listen, get used to women living unapologetically. I for one will be breaking a few ‘rules’ (I am sure I have broken a number already). 

Here is to living life unapologetically. Happy birthday to my aunt and coach Christine! (Tomorrow) Happy Birthday to me the day after. To 41.