• It’s only in Kenya where the national women's football team, Harambee Starlets, does better in international matches than their male counterparts, the Harambee Stars.
• This is where hairstylists and company drivers become instant billionaires, thanks to rampant corruption in higher places.
Welcome to Kenya, the land whose First President was originally called Kamau Ngengi but later changed to Jomo Kenyatta to suit his political ambitions.
This is a country where politicians put the citizenry on a five-year election mode after every General Election. This is a country where only three tribes — the Kikuyu, the Luo and the Kalenjin — from which we have Kenya’s political dynasties, have dominated national politics for decades.
It’s here in Kenya where if you want to get rich quick, you just have to join politics as an MCA or an MP.
It’s only in Kenya where the national women's football team, Harambee Starlets, does better in international matches than their male counterparts, the Harambee Stars. This is the country that Tanzania’s Mwalimu Julius Nyerere described as a man- eat-man society, where there are 10 billionaires and 10 million poor people.
This is where hairstylists and company drivers become instant billionaires, thanks to rampant corruption in higher places. It’s here that we worship anybody who has managed to squander public money.
We’ve not had a politician take responsibility and resign over corruption in their ministries or departments and everything goes on as if nothing ever happened. Others have gone on record vowing that they’d rather die than resign over graft allegations.
This is where, as it is now happening, tens of thousands of workers are being laid off in an economy that is said to be the strongest in the East and Central African region. Right now, over 20 private companies, including banks and major manufacturers, are in the process of laying off employees.
VIPs are better secured than the citizens, despite some being criminal suspects. You can as well buy your freedom if you know how to grease the palms of security officers and become untouchable.
Welcome to Kenya where an untrained fellow disguised himself as a medical doctor, performed surgeries and even delivered babies in a government hospital without being detected, and when he was finally discovered and released, he was received in pomp and grandeur like a hero in his village.
It’s here where for a twilight lady who has ‘graduated’ from dating local guys moves on to patronise up-market nightspots in the city and starts charging premium prices for a one-night stand. She proclaims she’s a socialite, And that’s a licence to become ‘successful’ and grab attention in national media and social media platforms.
It’s here that the government is shielding warlords from neighbouring countries who are tearing their nations apart. It’s here that despite having plenty of rains throughout the year, we still cry of drought during dry spells and beg for food from donors.
Anybody who can construct a makeshift church and gets up a congregation of more than three members is a ‘pastor’, and you can graduate to become a ‘bishop thereafter or even baptise yourself a prophet.
It’s here that anybody with a white foreign friend from either the US or the UK can start a non-government organisation with a cut-and-paste project to get funds from abroad, and life goes on. In this country, traffic cops have hefty bank accounts that their salaries cannot account for.
Here, anybody with an eighth ( 50x100) of land in Kamulu along Kangundo Road or Syokimau on the outskirts of Nairobi worth Sh450, 000 introduces himself or herself as a real estate developer.
I love Kenya because anybody who hawks Mitumba (second-hand clothes) in Gikomba or by the help of a “sponsor” has managed to set up a stall, the size of a public toilet, and sells imported cloths calls herself a business lady, never mind that she has never stepped out of the country.
But when all is said and done, this is Kenya. I thank God for being a Kenyan.