FASHION SHOW

Oh, how we cherish our designer looks

It's easy to spot a designer anything, especially with the way we wear it.

In Summary

• Take for example the hipocreeze dress. People around you will quickly wear this dress.

• I suspect many are well meaning, but more are religious fanatics trying to make you acceptable to their God.

As we prepared to go bury my father in the village, I told my siblings to be ready for whatever. I was tired. We had lost our mum five years prior so as the firstborn I felt it my place to shield my younger siblings from whatever heartache that might present itself in the village.

Heartache meaning new siblings and shielding by telling them the worst and hoping for the best. I know, hope is not a strategy, but it is all I had. I already knew of one half-sibling, but knowing my father, I was expecting at the very least, 15 new brothers and sisters.

My father was not a bad man. He was just himself. He did what he knew. We accepted him. In life and in death. Also, we still have the only one half-sibling to my knowledge. We did not get the other fourteen. I guess I did not know my old man as well as I thought I did.

Over the last few weeks, we put on our designer dresses and came out to play. Boy, did we play and dance! The lengths we go to still baffles me.

This is what I learnt though, from our online fashion show. We like designer. It is easy to spot a designer anything, especially with the way we wear it.

We must not forget our Judgement (pronounced ‘jajemo’) shoe. Always a high in standards. So high because the judges do not want you to notice their own inadequacies. Women just want sexually transmitted positions. All the nominated candidates must have been someone's something.

Take for example the hipocreeze dress. Eat and drink and be merry. Live your life the best way you know how. Love one, two, maybe three people. Be open about your life. Help people. Die. People around you will quickly wear this dress. I suspect many are well meaning, but more are religious fanatics trying to make you acceptable to their God.

Due to the unique fabric, it will always fit. They decide what your legacy ought to be. They do whatever it takes to make your well-lived life ‘acceptable’. Drop a child, block a friend, hide a number, hold strange meetings. They fight for non-causes on your behalf because they want you to be respectable. If you are ashamed of how he lived now that he is dead, why didn't you tell him when he was alive?

Then there is the insecuritè fragrance. This is a fragrance that pairs well with knowing your better half is cheating on you. You have seen the lipstick marks and smelt her perfume. You have seen him smile at his phone and walk out to answer it. You cannot tell anyone though because you always put up like, next to Adam, your husband comes out top in matters faithfulness. Never mind that Adam only had Eve.

When you look at us in our designer wear, we look really put together on the outside or is it online. It would be nice though to be real and mostly mind our own business. Good for you; you like poor men, your reward is in heaven.

Last week you sprayed on too much of Insecurite eau de parfum, we could smell you as you went after Mama Junior claiming she was a homewrecker, that she knew there was a wife, that she knew this and that. I see you my dear, but what about your husband, doesn’t he know?

We must not forget our Judgement (pronounced ‘jajemo’) shoe. Always a high in standards. So high because the judges do not want you to notice their own inadequacies. Women just want sexually transmitted positions. All the nominated candidates must have been someone's something. Women these days cannot go out with you if you do not have money. She married him for his money! Women are stealing their fellow women's husbands. Why isn’t anyone stealing you?

To tie your look nicely we must not forget the fingers. Rings of justice. This is not the real thing. Faux justice. By self-entitled keyboard warriors who hide behind screens in their pathetic lives trying to bring everyone down to their level.

When you look at us in our designer wear, we look really put together on the outside or is it online. It would be nice though to be real and mostly mind our own business. Good for you; you like poor men, your reward is in heaven.

Congratulations, you have never been lied to by a man or you have never been the other woman. You will have your seat next to Moses and Jonah. (Though my friend Marcus once told me that all women at one point in their lives will be the other woman. Knowing or unknowingly! That is another article.) And to you man, with your WCW, looking straight and what not, yet we know your other WCW, we will not lie when you die. This is who we are.

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