DOUBLE STANDARDS

So what if she had a one-night stand?

In Summary

• Why hold women to a different standard of morality from men?

• We both have consensual sex, but at the end of it, I am a slut, you are a man

The other day someone sent me a link to a story about a woman who had given birth to twins. Apparently, the twins had different fathers. I read through the story looking for the exciting part. Like did they each have two heads, maybe a tail or better still a set of horns each. You can imagine my disappointment when there was no such thing.

Look, I do not know about you, and do not get me wrong, I was not the greatest student, especially in Biology, but I remember in Form Two (we learnt the best part of biology then, that is why I was keen) our teacher told us about the possibility of women birthing twins with different fathers. So, forgive me if this does not mesmerise me.

Also, I know that this was not the reason the link was sent to me, because I got it from a couple of other men trying to ‘sex shame’ women. Wanawake wa siku hizi. One man was bold enough to castigate said mother of twins for daring, nay, having the audacity to sleep with two men that closely. It angered him more that the woman was married. She had had a one night stand you guys.

The level of hypocrisy made me throw up a little in my mouth. Fine she is a married woman, she went astray and should be forgiven, like the countless husbands who are forgiven daily even when they come back with souvenirs from their philandering ways. I cannot judge. In the words of Terrence, ‘I am human, nothing human is alien to me.’

I have heard of men who have two children from two different women, born on the same day, sometimes in the same hospital, others weeks and months apart, they never make news. When it is talked about, we laugh and say how some men are real men. Especially if the two children are male. Ndume. No one has ever sent me a link with a scathing caption to that effect.

My issue is why would you hold women to a different standard of morality from men? Why use ‘tougher’, unfair even inhuman ways? We both have consensual sex, but at the end of it, I am a slut, you are a man. No, at the end of it, I am still a woman, you are still a man. You cannot turn around and try to cheapen a woman. Unless you are cheap and it is sexually transmitted. In which case, you need to declare your cheap status before coitus.

Before you raise your pitchforks and branding irons to label me a feminist, can I talk to the women too? I know there are those of us who feel good when we are paid absurd complements. ‘You are a good woman, you are not like your friend so and so who sleeps with all men!’

Does he know all men? How did they all tell him this? Perhaps they are in a WhatsApp group of people who have slept with your friend. Do you know how easy it is to sleep with all men? You just have to sleep with that hyena and he will be using that wretched complement on the next ‘loose’ woman.

It really puzzles me. A man will be after a woman. Wine and dine her. Put her picture on his status, even if she is the only one who can see it. Beg and cajole for sex. Promise you the premolar tooth of his firstborn and swear his mother is a witch. Give into his ‘subtle’ advances, he will be telling anyone who cares to hear that you threw yourself at him. And so what if you did, throw yourself at him, why did he catch you? Was it by force?

Men who want ‘pure’ women should abstain from having intercourse, with women. This will highly increase the rate at which ‘pure’ women will be found. I guess it is not common knowledge that women have sex with men, and that sometimes women enjoy that sex.

A grown woman who has consensual sex should not and must not be shamed. Publicly or otherwise. Let us all mind our genitals. There are many things of public interest that should capture our attention and deserve our outcry.

If you insist though on knowing what happens between a woman’s legs, there are girls who still go without sanitary towels, others still going through FGM and more still are raped. We will highly appreciate your input in these areas.