• I talked to IntraPersonal Health psychologist Evans Oloo who told me that the most important thing is change of one's perception or thoughts.
• Oloo further talked about engaging with other people and nurturing the other relationships in our lives.
I have been counting the days down to February 14, and when my friend heard of this, she ‘lol’ed.
Her reason being Valentines is a “lonely and depressing day that should be simply taken off the list of holidays”.
This led me to a rabbit’s hole trying to figure out how my friend and others like her can cope with the day’s loneliness and hype.
Needless to say, Valentines becomes lonely for the singles and especially those who haven’t chosen that life.
I talked to IntraPersonal Health psychologist Evans Oloo who said that the most important thing is a change in one's perception or thoughts.
"If we change our cognition about this (loneliness and the view that Valentines should be a certain way), we will not have the emotional impact," he said.
He explained the relationship between how humans speak, feel and behave, saying if one thinks they are missing out, then it will impact their emotions triggering loneliness.
"We call it Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). If I think I'm missing out, then I will feel sad. But if I change my perception and think differently that I'm not missing out, that while Valentine's is important, it is not the only thing on planet Earth, I will not feel sad and lonely," he said.
Oloo further talked about engaging with other people and nurturing the other relationships in our lives.
Besides romantic relationships, there are platonic relationships, family and colleagues.
According to Oloo, to beat the hype and the feeling that you are missing out on Valentines Day, you could choose to hang out with them.
Go on a bonding exercise with them or spa dates or just hang out indoors.
Keep off social media. Oloo says part of loneliness on Valentines Day is driven by social media with showing off.
Discouraging logging into and browsing through Instagram and the other social sites, he noted that social media has shaped our generation's view of what is good, successful and even what happiness should look like.
You can also redefine the day
It is a celebration of love after all, so why not celebrate self-love?
You do not have to necessarily get yourself a bouquet or chocolates but you can do something along the line of treating yourself to some much-derserved self-love.
Try journaling or join a fitness class
Whatever you do, ensure that it keeps you occupied and gives you a sense of accomplishment by the end of the day.
Change your attitude and practice gratitude
A change of mindset can go a long way in ensuring that you are not lonely during Valentine's.
This will be summed up into you being positive-minded. Being single does not mean that something is wrong with you.
It might be that the right person is yet to cross your path or that you have your priorities and relationship isn’t one of them or that you are broken up.
Ensure that this day, you breath in, sigh gently and say thank you for the positive aspects in your life.
* There are advantages to being single. Remember them and hold them close. Take note that though being single can be lonely and gets lonelier on February 14, being partnered does not necessarily mean happiness.
Being single means you have several benefits that go beyond red, roses and chocolates and well, a shoulder to lean on.
Consider you have time for personal development and more opportunities to build a strong network of friends, colleagues and family.
And, do not forget the freedom that comes with singleness.
You can book a trip abroad or move and that will only be dependent on you, mostly.
Allow yourself to feel it all.
There is no much use for ignoring emotions.
They have a way of breaking barriers and banks and flooding.
So, feel it. The sadness, the loneliness, the pain or a recent or old break up.
Then try to deal with it. You can journal or go out on a run or talk it out with a friend or your therapist.
Through it all though, there is an emphasis to remember than loneliness is fleeting and that it is also important to feel it out.
It’s just February 14, so treat it like any other day. Special and here to be loved.