Valentine's Day: New catch, growth and rejection

Valentine's day is here with us, a moment most people use to appreciate the people they adore or love in their lives.

For others, it's the perfect time to make moves for a new catch.

As the saying goes, love makes the world go round but everyone has a different way to love and express how they want to be loved.

There are those who have a crush on someone out there but find it difficult to say it.

This Valentine's Day might presents the best opportunity to make that move.

Many have found themselves in that kind of situation. You just don't seem to find the right words or by the time you gain the courage to say something, it's probably too late.

Your object of affection has already found someone else and you're left disappointed.

You might have been nice to them or helping in one way or the other expecting them to pick up the signs but they didn't.

Not everyone can interpret kindness as a love language that says 'I want you.' Some assume you are being that considerate friend or workmate.

So you might end up waiting forever for the other person to be aware of your non-verbal communication.

Are some women unapproachable?

Men tend to believe that some women are unapproachable depending on how they present or carry themselves.

Or is it that men fear rejection? Both can be true. It is like putting your ego on the line when you engage a lady and she may end up turning you down. 

The fear of rejection could definitely affect how one shows up in other relationships.

Robertta Omondi, a relationship expert says that, mental health issues that stem from trauma of past experiences, lack of confidence or low self esteem can contribute to that too.

“At times it comes down to one self, because how you feel about yourself internally will always show on the outside. Men feeling inadequate financially, might affect some as well,” she added.

The worst thing one can do is assuming the person they are interested in, is not seeing someone else or not being chased.

Ask your friends how many compliments or invites they receive to go out in a day or averagely in a week.

The answer may surprise you. You might start feeling sick realising you are not the only who has an eye for beauty.

It's worse if the object of your affection is someone new you have seen at an event you are likely never to meet at again.

The confident ones can walk up to the them and strike a conversation, create a rapport and get their contacts.

If you are really confident and want to spark a conversation, a good pick up line might do the trick although success is not guaranteed.

A compliment on how your crush is dressed is a much safer option.

Lasting relationships.

Robertta thinks that if people who are looking to be together make a deliberate effort towards building a secure and healthy friendships, it will determine how long a relationship can last.

“Other external factors could chip in to the situation but as long as there's a lot of intentionality into working on self, it will always manifest into the relationship. How you do anything is how you do everything,” Robertta said.

Ladies and making the first move

Ladies don't have a problem approaching men first. It is the stereotyping associated with the idea that makes it harder for them to do so. It's widely believed men are the ones who are supposed to do the chasing.

Robertta agrees that women are confident enough to approach men and it happens all the time but it's not something she would consider.

“It's not natural, personally, I wouldn't do it.”

If you are the shy type, and can't face the person, send a text message making your intentions clear and ask what they think about your request.

Or, just psyche yourself up and ask if they have any plans lined up as you would like to ask them out on that day.

Their interests might vary; from watching movies, comedy, going out for picnics, long drives, loves chocolate or ice cream, going for a walk, getting flowers or written poems is the way to win their heart as a starter.

Lastly, you can write them a poem and send with some chocolates. 

The last thing one would want to experience is the other person not responding the way you would expect.

Be open to any outcome. Rejection will always be part of life but have ways to manage the expectations if they don't go your way.

Robertta further advices that you consistently work on your mental and emotional health to build more confidence in yourself and avoid seeking external validation.

“When you stay committed to making sure you can communicate and understand your feelings, managing them gets easier and rejection starts to feel more like redirection or a lesson more than failure,” Robertta said.