- Laureen (not her real name) says she realised she had daddy issues after noticing she was always attracted to emotionally distant guys.
- The ones that barely reply to your texts, never reassure you, the ones that give only crumbs of their love.
The term daddy issues is frequently used to negatively describe a woman, mocking her behaviour in relationships.
Daddy issues can impact anyone who carries psychological wounds from their childhood relationship with their father into adulthood.
Laureen (not her real name) says she realised she had daddy issues after noticing she was always attracted to emotionally distant guys.
The ones that barely reply to your texts, never reassure you, the ones that give only crumbs of their love.
Adding that what she specifically liked about these lazy lovers was that this love had her longing always. Waiting to be loved.
"Over the years I came to realize it was never about these emotionally unavailable lovers I was attracted to, but this feeling. I liked waiting to feel loved," Laureen said.
Laureen says she had always heard of the term daddy issues but never thought growing up with an absent father would affect her, for she never lacked.
What Laureen had never noticed is that a part of her felt abandoned and unloved. And this part came haunting eventually.
Laureen realized she had daddy issues on campus after questioning why she was always attracted to the emotionally distant type of guys.
Though the catchphrase has no particular definition, it became a popular description of how the relationship with one’s father in childhood impacts someone in adulthood, especially with a father who was absent emotionally or physically.
Watching the movie Lucifer (the series) one discovers that Lucifer has a lot of unresolved daddy issues with God.
A father provides their daughter with the very first masculine example.
They teach their children about respect and boundaries.
Fathers help put their daughters at ease with other men they will interact with throughout their lives.
For this reason, if she didn’t have a proper example growing up, she’ll be more likely to go for a man that mirrors the abandonment of her father.
Laureen says though she loves her father very much, as a child she would only get to see him once a year.
"There were times he’d go two years without looking for us. And I lived for the days he would come. I ached for them," Laureen said.
"On the days he'd promised to visit, I always ensured I did my chores early to spend time with him undisturbed."
She would then shower and sit outside waiting for him. Looking at the gate, as if it would make him come faster.
"Once in a while, I’d go outside the gate to check for him by the road. Most times, of course, he never came. This is the love I have known from my father – a love that keeps you in longing mode," Laureen said.
Daddy issues are also used in a derogatory manner to describe ladies who are into older men. Suggesting that these ladies are father-fixated as a result of unresolved daddy issues.
It is true, however, that the absence of a father figure in a child’s life impacts them negatively.
Studies have shown that women who have unstable or absent paternal relationships are more likely to start engaging in sexual behaviour earlier.
Additionally, teen girls are four times more likely to get pregnant if a father isn’t in the picture.
More than 70 per cent of unplanned teenage pregnancies occur in fatherless homes.
From being attracted to older men, being jealous or clingy, the constant need for reassurance of love or fear of being alone, daddy issues manifest differently in different people.
Those with this complex are looking for validation from the men in their lives.
But how does one heal from this complex?
Laureen says once she realized a lot of her behaviour with her boyfriends was a projection of her daddy issues, she started getting close to her father. To the source of the problem.
" I realized I was always looking for someone to love me, to fill the emptiness I was feeling. All because I did not get enough love and attention from my father," Laureen said.
She said at some point she realised she had to stop searching for this love outside. That she had to love the unloved and abandoned part of herself.
"I think it is funny that I am trying to heal from something I never experienced," Laureen said.