Lately, I have been seeing childbirth glamourised. Women have been accused of exaggerating the pain and trauma because one person happened to sit up after giving birth then had someone else apply her make-up and take photos from afar. While I do not want to belittle anyone’s experience, it is important to tell each other the truth yawa.
I, for one, wish I was told the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I probably would have not believed them but I would probably appreciate the honesty, especially after going through it.
To say childbirth is traumatising I think is to put it very mildly. I have given birth to five children, four are living. I have had a natural birth and c-sections and I can swear on my grandmother’s favourite cat, that there is no “good and/or fun” way to give birth.
By the way, my Dani loved that cat. My mother said she used to buy meat for herself and her cat while my mother and her siblings ate vegetables. (And it has just made sense why she would have rather given the cat meat than children she birthed!)
The ordeal starts with pregnancy. I swear if you have a drama-free pregnancy, kindly make sure to tell us how it feels to be God’s favourite because the morning sickness I experienced from day one right up till the baby came out of my body was hell.
I would only wish that mess on my ex. Everyone else I can forgive.
No one talks of other complications that are usually life-threatening. Then add on the physical body changes. Your shoe size often goes up during pregnancy then does not return to normal after the baby. Let us not even talk about skin discolouration, acne, hair loss, memory loss and just loss of self.
I was admitted to hospital for a while before my first baby came so when I asked my sister to pack my going home clothes, I asked for a certain green dress that I had bought while pregnant. I just assumed that after the baby came out of my stomach, I would go back to business as usual. You can imagine my surprise when the belly had not gone down and I had to go home! My dress did not go down beyond my neck.
The surprises just kept coming.
As I said, I do not want to write off someone’s experience, especially if it is a good one. I would just like us to give all sides of the coin. Many women depend on our stories because they may not have women around to tell them.
My own mother had died and the internet in 2001 was not as accessible as it is now. So my first baby was really a “pata potea” case when it came to figuring out what to do. Now that we women can access our stories, let us tell them all. The good, the bad and the ugly. Include pictures and videos if you can.
Childbirth, and to be honest the first year of that child’s life, is a whole mess I swear. From the craziness of the delivery room to your first bath after delivering to sex after baby. Half the time you will not be able to remember your own name or if you combed your hair. Your breasts will be engorged with milk and you will be so sleep deprived you will literally feel yourself losing your mind. You will never be the same again.
This is real life, let us report it as is. Even Hollywood has started almost showing us the real pictures of childbirth. Before they would have us believe that a woman had given birth to a clean baby and was now seated upright, with no swollen face, smiling and cooing at the baby. My friend, sometimes you do not even like that baby until after a few hours, some even months.
The secret is to get as much help as you can pay for, if you can afford it. Listen, delay childbirth for as long as you can. Get money. Money will make childbirth bearable. Do not listen to those fools who say babies come with their own plates unless they can show you where to collect them because there are no plates in the delivery room. The more control we have over our reproductive health as women, the better our birthing experiences will be.
As I write this, I am not oblivious to women who are struggling with fertility issues. This was not meant to be insensitive. I wish you the best in your journey.
