Even in the most nerve-wracking scenario where the pregnancy was unplanned, the thought of demanding a DNA test before further discussions was off the table.
As a man, you had the choice to deny all responsibilities without proof that you are not the father, or forever hold your peace by stepping up as a responsible adult.
This situation could not be further from the reality we currently live in as Kenyans. The days of men being seen as the only people who could taint a relationship with infidelity are in our rearview as a society.
Though frowned upon, the infidelity is not the biggest problem. The eye in this storm is the habit of some Kenyan women pinning fatherhood responsibilities on unsuspecting men in the event of a pregnancy from their infidelity.
Speaking to The Star, George Kihara explains the events that led up to him raising a child for eighteen years, completely naïve to the fact that he was not the biological father.
In his final year on campus, Kihara had been busy with his projects. Completely worn out by stress, one evening, he walked around the school with his camera, trying to find interviewees for his documentary project.
At one of the school gazebos, he saw a group of three young women chatting animatedly. Shyly approaching them, he asked if they were willing to help him with his project.
Charismatically, the woman in the middle, who seemed the most extroverted, immediately jumped into action and made sure that Kihara got the best interviews from them.
That initial encounter piqued Kihara’s interest, and within no time, the two of them started dating.
Their relationship blossomed into a marriage that set the standard for a perfect union in the eyes of the single people in their social circles. Having found the love of his life, Kihara felt like the luckiest man alive.
One evening after getting home from work, Kihara’s wife excitedly informed him that she was six weeks pregnant. Kihara felt a sense of pride because fatherhood had always been a milestone he had desired to achieve in his life.
Though they had been arguing because Kihara had noticed his wife acting peculiarly for two months, the pregnancy news was a welcome reprieve that dissipated their tension. With rose-tinted glasses, Kihara embarked on his journey of fatherhood.
Kihara's life changed irreversibly just a day after his son’s
eighteenth birthday.
His son had gone on a road trip to
Naivasha with friends when he was involved in a catastrophic car accident.
Kihara was at work when he received a frantic phone call from his wife, urging
him to rush to the hospital.
“When I arrived, my wife was
sobbing uncontrollably,” Kihara recalls.
“Being her pillar, I tried my best to
reassure her.”
An hour later, a doctor informed
them that their son urgently needed a blood transfusion.
Kihara says he
immediately stepped forward without hesitation, ready to donate his blood to
save his son's life.
But just as he was about to follow
the doctor, something unexpected happened.
“My wife held me back with a
sudden panicked look on her face,” he says.
“In a timid voice, she said that my
blood type would not match with our son’s blood type.”
Confused and stunned, Kariuki says
he demanded a DNA test to confirm what his wife had just implied.
“As much as I wanted to believe
that this whole situation was a sick joke, the result from the DNA test was the
final nail in the coffin for my acceptance of reality,” he says.
What followed was a whirlwind of emotions, legal consultations, and a
search for answers that Kariuki admits he never thought he would face in his
lifetime.
For Calvin Njiru, his persistence on a DNA test saved him from eighteen years of parental responsibility for a child that he had not fathered.
Njiru says his relationship began like something out of a
dream.
He met a woman he describes as a
“Nairobi baddie” at a social event two years ago. From the moment he saw her
across the room, he was drawn in.
“I knew she was someone I wanted
to pursue,” Njiru recalls.
“After a few casual dates, we both decided to be serious and
start dating.”
For the first year, everything
seemed perfect. Their relationship blossomed, and Njiru says he had never felt
more content.
As a salesman, his job frequently required
him to be away from Nairobi for weeks at a time. It was during one of these
trips that things began to unravel.
“When my girlfriend told me she
was two months pregnant, I was confused to say the least,” he says.
Njiru explains that he had been
away on a business trip for an entire month.
Even before leaving, the two had not been intimate, as his
partner had given him the silent treatment following a disagreement.
“I was caught between a rock and
a hard place,” he says.
“I didn’t know whether to confront her or keep my suspicions
to myself.”
Eventually, the uncertainty
became unbearable. Njiru decided to speak up and requested a DNA test.
“When I demanded for a DNA test,
she spat in my face and maliciously claimed that she was happy that a weak man
like me was not the father to her child,” he says.
What hurt him most wasn’t just the betrayal; it was the realisation
that a child was now caught in a situation built on deception.
Njiru believes the emotional toll in such cases extends beyond
the adults involved and can leave lasting scars on the child once the truth
comes out.
The deception of the identity of the biological father not only affects the man in a relationship. In such cases, the child is often caught in the crossfire after the house of cards falls.
Casey Mwikali knows all too well the aftermath that occurs when the truth is finally revealed in a relationship like this.
Mwikali vividly remembers the day everything fell apart in
their home.
What started as an ordinary day quickly turned into a
nightmare when her father discovered a truth her mother had kept hidden for
years.
“I remember the day all hell broke
loose in our home,” Mwikali says.
“My ‘father’ had apparently discovered that my mother had been
lying to him all along about being my biological father.”
The revelation didn’t come from
her mother directly. It was her mother’s best friend who finally broke the
silence.
“She sat my father down earlier
that day and told him that since she considered him family, she could no longer
sit on some information,” Mwikali recalls.
With unsettling clarity, the
friend laid out the details of her mother’s long-running deception.
Confronted with the truth, Mwikali’s mother dropped to her
knees, pleading for forgiveness.
“She was wailing, but her cries
did little to convince my ‘father’ to forgive her,” she says.
Mwikali watched helplessly as
the man she had known as her father packed his suitcases in anger and walked
out. He never reached out again.
“I still blame my mother for making my ‘father’ leave,” Mwikali says
quietly.
“That man was the only father figure I looked up to.”
For some Kenyan women, however, the mere thought of a man demanding a DNA test is borderline disrespectful.
Brenda Naserian explains candidly how she was immediately filled with rage when her boyfriend asked for a DNA test.
Naserian remembers the shock she felt when the man she trusted most
questioned her fidelity.
After three
years of dating, she believed their relationship was strong and headed in the
right direction.
When she
discovered she was pregnant while still on campus, she remained calm, confident
that her boyfriend would be supportive.
“We had been
dating for three years and I thought that our relationship was progressing
beautifully,” Naserian says.
“When I found out that I was pregnant while
still in campus, I was eerily calm. I reassured myself that I had nothing to worry
about. I had a boyfriend who was a gentleman and would step up without a shadow
of doubt.”
But when she
shared the news of her pregnancy, his response stunned her.
“When I
broke the news to him, can you imagine the disbelief I was in when he demanded a
DNA test?” she says. “At first, I thought that I had misheard him.”
As the
conversation unfolded, she realized he was serious. The trust she had in him
instantly shattered.
“After a few
minutes, I realised that he was serious and I immediately started seeing red,”
Naserian recalls. “I could not comprehend why my boyfriend thought that I was
promiscuous.”
Feeling
deeply betrayed, she made a swift decision.
“Completely
betrayed, I blocked him on my phone,” she says. “I do not need a man like him
to raise my child.”
Andrew Gitonga, a counsellor, explains why the truth is the best course of action to take when in possession of the identity of the biological father of a child.
Gitonga
urges honesty when it comes to matters of paternity, warning that deception
only worsens an already delicate situation.
He believes
many women may lie about a child’s paternity either out of fear or in the hope
of securing support from a man perceived to be more responsible or financially
stable.
But in the
long run, the consequences are far more damaging.
“Whether out
of fear of repercussions or the pursuit of pinning the fatherhood on a man who
seems more responsible and financially stable, deception will only add fuel to
the fire,” Gitonga emphasises.
He explains
that when the truth eventually surfaces, it becomes incredibly difficult for
the man involved to continue playing the role of a father.
“When the
man discovers the truth, it will take a lot for the man to stay and continue
bearing the fatherhood responsibilities,” he says.
The fallout
doesn’t stop with the adults.
According to
Gitonga, the child often becomes the unintended victim of this dishonesty.
Once the
father figure walks away, the emotional toll on the child can be profound.
“The
relationship will hit a tumultuous tide and will most likely be too broken for
repair. The psyche of the child in this situation can also be negatively
affected as feelings of abandonment begin to develop when the father figure the
child knew leaves,” Gitonga explains.
He concludes
with a message to women who may find themselves in such situations: face the
truth, however painful.
“If you are
a woman in this predicament, pluck up the courage and tell the truth,
regardless of the consequences. At the end of the day, the truth always
prevails,” he says.
