The criminal side of dating

One has to be careful not to bite more than they can chew

In Summary

• Rendezvous with dentists gets me thinking of how dating pushes the envelope

Illustration of a crime of passion
Illustration of a crime of passion


In case this comes as news, after pretending to be a patient, the world’s most beautiful dentist has agreed to go on a date with me, and it’s got me thinking. The whole idea of making someone fall in love with you is, in fact, a crime waiting to happen. It’s only a case of stalking gone right.

Sometimes it begins with illegal spying. “Hi, I live across the hall from you, and I’ve been seeing you come and go. Only today did I grow the nerve to say something.”

The recipient shouldn’t swoon, she or he should be livid. Why is a stranger playing voyeur games? But alas! If the stranger is good-looking and single, we’re all eager to overlook such trespass.

At times, the hunt takes place over the phone. “Hello? Please don’t hang up. I only need a minute of your time. My name is so-and-so, and since you won’t give me your number, I hounded your friend for it,” you say.

“Please don’t be mad at her. It’s just that I swear you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t…”

Then there are the creeps who open with anonymous gifts, sometimes notes, left in strategic places or delivered to workplaces. Flowers, perfumes, maybe a wall hanging. “Hey, Jess,” a co-worker would say, “I think you have a secret admirer. I wish someone would send me a bouquet of roses every morning.”

Is that so, Monicah? But it isn’t so flattering when he turns out to have spent the last six years in Kamiti for grand theft, would it? As long as he drives a nice car and is gainfully employed, it’s okay to overlook the law and other social norms.

And don’t get me started on dating sites. Sure, you post a pic of your own volition, but isn’t that just invitation to voyeuristic strangers to swipe left or right? Then you decide which of the hungry hyenas has the most interesting “bio”.

Dating, I’ve come to realise, is the best classic case of “The end justifies the means.” Unfortunately, unless we all become royals and marry our cousins, we’ll have to invent means — most bordering on illegal — to convince that beautiful woman in a red dress that the sun will never set again if we don’t kiss each other goodnight every night.

As for me, I’m off to a date with the dentist who chose to give in to me instead of giving me up to the law.

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