Post-relationship grief: How to mourn a break-up

It is fair to say most of us have been through a break-up.

The emotional response triggered in the event that lovers part can very much resemble the pain of a physical ache.

Dealing with this pain can be difficult especially when your mind and your environment won't let you be in peace.

It is easier to sink into the rabbit hole of self blame and serial monogamy.

Clinical psychologist Tricia Wolanin says the feeling one goes through when dealing with a breakup is quite like that of grief.

" It's the death of a relationship, hopes and dreams for the future. The person we are losing was part of our world and therefore has taken up so much of our mental and heart space," she said.

Here are things one should understand and accept during such a time:

It is okay to grieve

Grief works in its own way. It has its timeline so let it run it's okay. 

If you need to cry, scream or close yourself up for a while, do it.

During this period, it is okay to have different feelings ranging from hatred, anger, sadness, frustration and confusion.

However scary and uncomfortable it gets, remember grief is a vital part of the healing process.

Take a breather

Do not pressure yourself to be at your best.

You are hurting and it is understandable to not win the employee/student of the week or month award.

Take time to just be human. To feel.

Take a break from your environment. Go on a vacation with a friend.

Take time to heal.

Spend time alone and revitalise

A break up can present a good time to follow the path of a triskelion.

A triskelion is an ancient symbol with three connected spirals. In the Celtic religion, it symbolised birth, death and rebirth.

The time after the loss of a relationship can be used to rediscover oneself and nurture new hobbies.

Love yourself

Yes, it is critical to love yourself a little bit more when it feels like you are drowning in loss or unwanted.

It is difficult, of course, especially if you blame yourself for the breakup.

So you start by doing the basics including eating right, working out either at the gym or home, taking a long warm bath and avoiding insomnia.

This also includes talking to someone about your feelings, it may be a trusted friend, family or a therapist.

Gradually, you will learn how to come into terms with your new relationship status.

Do not look for closure 

Matters of the heart are not logical.

Closure involves a decent ending to things and  sense of understanding.

Things that mostly work in logic matters. A loss to the heart is exceptional.

As time passes, you might notice that you can think about your broken relationship and separate the good times from the bad memories.