Disclosure dilemma: How haircut cost man's life, wife's trust

A simple haircut caused my health, my wife’s trust 

These were the words of businessman Joshua Ouko* who contracted HIV during his usual visits to a barbershop. 

Ouko 64, narrates how he contracted the disease, kept quiet about it until it was too late for him. 

"As a man who used to work in an office. Looking sharp and handsome was my trait. As a 30-year-old, I was the envy of many añd the face that attracted many ladies," he said. 

Seated in his home in Homabay county, Ouko who has been married for more than 30 years, says his life changed drastically one afternoon. 

" I used to shave my hair in one of the finest barbershops in this area. I knew the kind of hairstyle that my wife liked. so that's what I put every time I was there," he said. 

"However, one day as I went for my usual cut, the barber who was not feeling so well, left a deep cut on my skull." 

Ouko said this was normal as one would just use methylated spirit to treat the cut and all was well. 

" So the cut healed and I was back to my usual business. However, after two months I started feeling funny. My body was not mine," he said.

"I could not do so many things. My body became weak. And whenever I scratched myself a wound would remain in that area. This became a cause for concern. " 

As he looks after his cattle inside his home, Ouko says he decided to go for a test. 

" The doctors never found malaria. So they did the HIV test which turned out positive. This became my end. I remember crying in a nearby corner after the news," he said. 

Ouko then started asking himself where he could have gotten the disease. 

" During the period I was waiting for the test results, a nurse came and gave me the insights of HIV, how it could spread to how to protect your loved ones. This was not easy," he said. 

I did not have any extramarital affairs, he says as he walks towards his cattle. 

Ouko, who has seven children, says that he realised that he could have gotten the disease from the haircut. 

Even as he received ARVs, Ouko decided not to tell anyone about his condition, not even his wife whom he said he loved. 

"After that day, I decided to just abstain from my wife. I did not want us to have sex. I did not want to infect her at all costs. This was my problem and I had to deal with it," he says. 

Ouko who disclosed that he was not sexually active says that abstaining was the only way out. 

" I decided to lie to my wife that I was really sick and was really not interested. I had to protect her. I love her that much," he says. 

The businessman could take his medication routinely without his wife suspecting anything.

" She's the one who was even remembering that I should take the drugs. This then became a daily thing that I had to tell my wife I had blood pressure and diabetes," he says. 

".. but all these lies became the truth after a few years.," he says. 

Ouko, who retired at 60, said he hid the disease from his wife for 15 years. 

"These were the worst years of my life. Being with your wife, not able to talk to her, touch her, share your pain. I felt that she would judge me that she did not want me," he said. 

As years went by, Ouko became extremely sick to an extent of not being able to walk properly. 

" I was using a walking stick for stability.  My sugar levels increased. My lung was collapsing.  Everything was coming to a stop. The only thing remaining was my heart. That would come to a stop soon," he said. 

Being in and out of the hospital was the only hope that I had, he says smiling. 

In June 2018, Ouko was rushed to a Nairobi hospital after his condition worsened. 

" It is here that my children, not all of them, knew about my disease. However, my lungs had collapsed and my condition became worse. I was taken to the ICU,"  he said. 

"My stomach was swelling and all my wife knew was that my diabetes was eating me up. I wish she knew!." 

After three weeks, Ouko was discharged and he went to his home. One morning, he called a priest to his home. 

"This particular day I felt funny. So I felt that my wife had to know. It was during this meeting that she knew everything about my illness," he says. 

Ouko says her wife did not judge her, in fact, she regretted why she was not informed. 

After three days, Ouko died in July 2018. Her wife tested negative for the virus. 

But Ouko is just part of a statistic that keeps quiet about illnesses until it is too late. 

Mercy Adongo* 18,  is a form two student in a renowned school who until last month did not know that she was born with HIV. 

"I  used to have wounds when I scratched myself. In most cases I felt weak," she says. 

Adongo narrates how getting the wounds became an easy thing with her being in the village. 

" When I went to fetch firewood I would come back home with wounds from my legs and part of my arms. However, like any other person, they took days to heal," she says. 

She says that whenever she would experience that her father would brush her off saying that all shall be well. 

"For me, my father was everything and being a second last born meant that you have to trust your father for any direction and decisions," she says. 

Adongo is among 180,000 children in Kenya who are living with HIV, and slightly more than 40,000 children are on ART. 

According to Human rights Watch, most of these children have been infected all of their lives through mother-to-child transmission, yet parents and caregivers in Kenya often do not tell their children that they are HIV-positive until they reach adolescence.  

While on a visit to her sister in Nairobi, Adongo says that at no time did her father, who knew about her illness tell her anything. 

"As I attended school later in form one. The symptoms were there but I kept on using painkillers to soothe myself. It's like I have a weak immune system. This really helped," she says. 

But after a while, Adongo experienced extreme fever that could not go away even with painkillers. 

Malaria could not go away and decided to confide in her sister who sent her fare to come to Nairobi. 

Most people infected with HIV do not know that they have become infected. Immediately after the infection, some people have a glandular fever-like illness (with fever, rash, joint pains and enlarged lymph nodes), 

At first, her father was against this but later agreed since it was the school holidays. Adongo and her last born brother came to Nairobi in November 2020. 

"My elder sister also had no idea of what was happening. So she took me to the hospital in Pangani," she says amid a teary face. 

"I have never felt so anxious the way I did that day. I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I was going to get medication for all my woes and sad because I had no idea what kind of disease awaited me." 

Adongo, who kept on fidgeting along with her worried sister and brother waited for test results. 

Before she could be told the news, the doctors called her sister who told her everything about Adongo. 

"After a few minutes, my sister came back with red eyes and I was wondering where the problem was. She just broke down and told me I was positive," she says. 

"That was a scary thing.. How would I know?  Where did I even get the disease? I started questioning myself but I had no answers."

Adongo says her sister and brother also decided to go for testing and were found negative. 

According to Adongo's sister Molline, her mother died from the disease. However, it was not clear how Adongo might have contracted the disease. 

"We then called our father who was now in the village to break the news for him. But we were surprised that he was not shocked." 

Adongo says her father had known about the condition and kept it to himself. 

"He told us that I had been born with Aids and that they just wanted to protect me," she says. 

"Protect me? I am an adult. How do you think I feel about all this?" 

According to UNAIDS, HIV can be transmitted to an infant during pregnancy, labour, delivery and breastfeeding. 

Generally, there is a 15–30 per cent risk of transmission from mother to child before and during delivery. 

A number of factors influence the risk of infection, particularly the viral load of the mother at birth (the higher the load, the higher the risk). 

Kenya has the joint third-largest HIV epidemic in the world with 1.6 million people living with HIV in 2018.

In the same year, 25,000 people died from AIDS-related illnesses. While this is still high the death rate has declined steadily from 64,000 in 2010.

Chairperson of the Network Empowerment of People Living with AIDS in Kenya Nelson Otuoma says HIV non-disclosure is a cause for concern in Kenya.

“This is what Kenya is currently grappling with and also we do not want to give burden to a positive person to disclose their status if they are not willing,” he says.

But he notes that people with HIV should be able to be responsible so that they can get timely support.

“ This is someone you have loved. It is upon you to open up to this person and say this is what happened and this is the outcome,” he says.

“Out of 10 people who have disclosed their status, nine got worse consequences. This is where you hear issues of violence, people who get killed because they disclosed their status,” he adds.

Otuoma says the way people react to such information is difficult, adding that it's an issue of an ethical dilemma.

“In law, there is nowhere written that you have to disclose your status. However, the earlier they disclose this the better for everyone living around them,” he said.

He says that Kenyans should be educated on how to treat HIV positive people.

“We encourage people to disclose at their own time but they should know that the earlier they do it, the better they will get support from all quarters,” he says.

Edited by D Tarus