Mwende: I'll never forgive husband who ruined my life

A soothing silence reigns over Jackline Mwende's home at the foot of Uuni Hills in Kathama village, Machakos county.

It's occasionally broken by the clucking of chickens, whistling of wind among mango trees; the bleating of a goat. 

Mwende lives here with her parents and four-year-old son, Gift Safari, away from a world that was once thrown into utter shock by the brutality of her former husband on her.

Although she strives to appear happy, with a wide smile constantly planted on her face, the violent past weighs heavily on the 33-year-old woman.

Stephen Ngila is serving 30 years in prison for attempting to kill Mwende. She is healing, one day at a time.

After submitting Sh4,000 to Mwende's funeral savings kitty, Ngila was ready to send her to her grave. He descended on her with a machete, chopping off her hands in 2016.

Reason? She had failed to conceive during their seven-year marriage. They frequently quarrelled over their lack of children.

In a desperate attempt to save the marriage, Mwende made arrangements with another man to make her pregnant. The husband found out.

Last Wednesday, she opened up to the Star about her silent physical suffering, the shame of living off her parents and the inability to take care of her only son.

The soft-spoken woman said she keeps painkillers underneath her mattress to reach them easily whenever in pain. 

“I  live on painkillers, which I keep underneath my mattress.  I often suffer headaches and pain in my arms, so I cannot do without painkillers. I don’t have money to buy the drugs that I need and can barely afford these painkillers,” she said.

She removed the artificial arms fixed on her by experts in South Korea when they were no longer helpful.

“When I came from Kikuyu Hospital, I was taken to South Korea where artificial arms were fixed on me. But, they caused problems. They no longer function. I feel pain in the arms, but there is nothing I can do,” Mwende said.

She said the artificial arms became dysfunctional three years after they were fixed on her despite the doctors giving her an assurance that they would last for 10 years.

Mwende still holds a deep grudge against her ex-husband and recalls bitterly how he mistreated her before the attempted murder.

"I can never forgive him no matter how remorseful he becomes or how many times he seeks forgiveness. I cannot go past his inhumaneness," she asserted.

Mwende said she carries a heavy heart because Ngila left her with permanent disability and even though he is serving the sentence as punishment for the deed, to her it is not enough.

"He will serve his term and when 30 years are done, he will come out and rebuild his life with both hands, an opportunity that he stole from me," she stated bitterly.

"I accepted the court’s judgment but I pray God judges him more.”

Though thankful that her offender has been punished, Mwende remains disappointed that her life will never go back to what it used to be.

“When the case ended, I just remained that way. I never benefited from anything. Though he was jailed, he will get out after his jail term and continue with his life. My life ended just like that, though. I will never have hands again.”

Mwende said she feels like a burden especially to her parents, since she can no longer do anything for herself as she used to before the incident.

“When I had my hands, I used to do everything for myself. Now I have to rely on my mother to fend for me, literally feed me, wash and dress me. I am back to being like a child,” she said.

She blames herself for the high blood pressure that her parents, who are peasant farmers, have since developed.

“I pity myself. I am a burden on my parents. This thing has affected my parents, they are equally traumatised. My child has attained the age of going to school but he is at home since there is no money.”

Mwende says she got married to Ngila in April 2012 through a church wedding. They lived together for seven years before the husband chopped off both her hands.

She said the husband blamed her for failing to bear him a child.

“It’s God who gives children. He could have either divorced me or sent me back to my parents instead of attempting to kill me. I can’t forgive him,” Mwende said.

 Mothers2Mothers, an African-based NGO that unlocks the potential of women to eliminate paediatric Aids and create healthy families, went to Mwende’s rescue after the incident. 

“Mothers2Mothers constructed for me this house, I thank them. Others gave empty promises. Some said they would take me to school.”

She said her life had become miserable despite promises from several leaders and  well-wishers that they would help her move on with her life through various kinds of material support.

"So many people made promises to help in public, only a few kept their word. My suffering continues as I struggle to adapt to a new life without hands," she said.

Fourth in a family of six, Mwende sat for KCPE in Mithini Primary School in 2007 but failed to proceed to secondary school due to lack of school fees.

She met Ngila at a local SDA church in Masii where Mwende served as a youth leader.

He had moved to Matunge village where he bought land and built a home, approximately eight kilometres from Mwende’s parents’ home, where they settled after their wedding.

The home is deserted after Mwende returned to her parents and Ngila was sent to jail.

Ngila’s original home was in Kalawa, Makueni county, but he left after his parents died to open a tailoring shop in Masii.

Mwende said her in-laws turned against her and her family after the incident.

“My in-laws talked ill of us. The incident caused enmity between them and my family," she said.

In 2016 after Ngila was released on cash bail, he would brag whenever he met her or any of her relatives that the court case would bear no fruit.

"He would tell us that his aunts sold parcels of land to hire him a lawyer who was supposedly paid half a million service fees and would win the case. I was not scared because I knew God was my lawyer," she said.

“I thank God because I am alive. When I got injured in 2016, I suffered a lot after losing my hands. My ex-husband really wanted me dead,” Mwende told the Star.

Mwende said she feared getting into any intimate relationship or marriage after her experience.

"I lost hope and trust in intimate relationships. My focus is on building my life now," she said.

"I was insulted and abused for not giving birth in my marriage. I believed it was not my fault. I wanted a child so bad so as to save my marriage that is why I went out and God gifted me a son, like his name," she explained.

Mwende urged well-wishers to support her financially so as to start a business and support her parents and son. She said the business she was running collapsed after her shop was broken into in Masii town and stock stolen in January.

“I am calling on well-wishers, all those touched by my story to help me. I need to get to a clinic, see a doctor and buy drugs. I have lots of problems. I need money to educate my son so that he goes to school like other children, alongside some capital for business to offload the burden from my parents”.

Edited by Henry Makori