• Relationship expert James Mbugua says that everything has gone online adding that people have to be careful about who they date.
• People need to be careful and establish who this person is before even meeting them in person.
Image: HERCAMPUS.COM
They say love can find you anywhere; be it the bathroom, the car, when your clothes are soiled but few can attest to the fact that love can be found on social media.
In as much as many people both the young and the old desire to be loved, they tend to look for love in every space that they feel can be of help.
On October 12, police arrested four suspects in Ruaka estate in Kiambu for allegedly using online dating sites to lure men who were then kidnapped, tortured and robbed.
Detectives from the Directorate of Criminal Investigation said the suspects threatened to harm the victims’ families if they didn’t cooperate before forcing them into their cars, driving to various ATMs before forcing them to withdraw money from various bank accounts.
SAFETY CONCERNS
But this is just one of the scenarios that find people who are desperately seeking love in online spaces.
However, is the online space safe?
A lady Faith Awuor* who works as a businesswoman tells the Star that when she was 17 years old, she was added in a WhatsApp group that was meant to collect funds to support a few girls with sanitary pads.
“That's where I met this guy. I don't even remember his name. He hit my inbox and we were chatting. I was young, naive and we even started dating online,”she said.
Faith said that after a few weeks of being courted, she accepted to be the girlfriend of this man.
“He was my boyfriend and he promised me a lot. How he would buy me this and that. From what he wore in the pictures I saw, he was a rich young man, around 24 years,” she said.
“So we decided to meet up at some point. I was living in Embu so I came to visit him in Nairobi. My sister had given me some good cash to use in case of anything.”
Faith said when they met, she realized that he actually lived in the slum areas of Kariobangi, in an iron sheet house.
“He didn't have even a single coin and he kept saying that I give him cash, he will refund. I was in Nairobi for like three days and every time we met I noticed that what he portrayed on social media was a scam,” she said.
And indeed he was handsome, he was the kind of person you would love almost immediately. I loved him. He showered me with the love and gifts/Catherine Gachagua*
“He literally wore borrowed clothes, had no money, lied about studying at the Kenyatta University. Everything he did on social media was to impress the masses. I also noticed he did that with several other ladies.”
She noted that for him, that was his source of livelihood.
“He was becoming sweet to a lady, shows a lavish lifestyle which is a scam and keeps borrowing cash from ladies without refunding them,” she said.
But after assurances that he was a good man, they went out for a date at a fancy restaurant where they ate and drank.
At the end of it all, they had consumed around Sh10,000.
“When the bill came, he stood up and said he was going to the washroom. That is how he left me there to pay for what we had eaten.,” she said.
Faith was forced to ask money from friends after she became desperate and was not allowed to leave without paying.
But Faith is not alone, Catherine Gachagua* says she fell in love with a Nigerian man online and was mesmerised and excited to have an affair with him.
“It all began with a handsome face. He looked like a very educated person, which of course he was. We later decided that we would meet in Nairobi,” she said.
Catherine said after a few months of online romance, they eventually met.
“But this was not enough; he needed more of me. As a 20-year-old, my virginity was my gold. And it's that gold that he wanted. He refused to understand me. Instead, he blamed me for not wanting him," she says.
She says that this was the basis for a breakup.
Relationship expert James Mbugua says that everything has gone online adding that people have to be careful about who they date.
“Relationships are interpersonal in which you are able to communicate. Unless Situations are beyond the meeting. People don't present their real selves… they will be connecting in posh environments and hyping themselves,” he said.
Mbugua says that people need to be careful and establish who this person is before even meeting them in person.
“Oftentimes we say to be in an environment in which you are safe..always when you are going, be that lady who holds back in spending too much with a stranger. Modesty is very important. Ask this person if you need this kind of huge bill,” he said.
“Sometimes we let our emotions take over. Don’t just fall in love...We are building so many castles in the air. Everyone wants to post about their posh boyfriends and how they were taken to lunch..be very careful of people taking you to heaven and they have not established ground on earth.”
The secrets to building a successful relationship from an online romance are similar to the steps you would take with someone you met at work, in your residential area, in a religious institution or in school.
Take time to get to know each other. Understand your intentions from the very beginning: that is, are you in it for marriage or for a casual encounter?
If both parties agree that their common objective is marriage, it is important to agree on a timeline so that neither feels pressured.