Dr Merali: The man on a mission to make men cry

Dr Mahmoud Merali, a psychologist at Aga Khan University Hospital, Nairobi

The idea that “real men don’t cry” has lingered in society for generations, painting a picture of masculinity where emotional vulnerability is seen as weakness. Dr Mahmoud Merali urges men to express their emotional vulnerability.

Dr Mahmoud Merali, a psychologist at Aga Khan University Hospital, Nairobi, said the concept is not only misleading but also puts men’s mental health at risk. He says that he is on a mission to change that. He insists that men, too, should cry because it is necessary.

Throughout history, boys have grown up hearing phrases like “Be a man,” or “Men don’t show their emotions.” These seemingly harmless statements often pressure men into bottling up their feelings and suffering in silence. Dr Merali, a specialist in medical, counselling, clinical and mental health psychology, says this culture of emotional suppression is dangerous.

“We, as men, are conditioned to be emotionally tough,” explains Dr Merali. “From a very young age, boys are taught not to shed tears, no matter the pain. This cultural expectation becomes ingrained in us, making it difficult for men to express their feelings in adulthood, even when facing extreme stress, grief or trauma,” he says.

Suppressing emotions may seem like a strength at first glance, but Dr Merali warns of the long-term dangers. “Unexpressed grief, sadness or frustration does not just disappear. Instead, it festers and emerges as anxiety, depression, anger or even physical illness,” he says.

Indeed, global mental health statistics tell a worrying story: men are far less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues, yet they are more prone to some of its most serious consequences. For example, in many countries, suicide rates are disproportionately higher among men. “It’s not that men are naturally less prone to emotion or pain,” Dr. Merali points out. “It’s that the stigma around expressing vulnerability makes it harder for them to reach out for support.”

Dr Merali emphasises that crying is not a gendered act but a universal human expression of emotion. “Crying serves an important psychological purpose,” he says. “It allows the body to release built-up tension and can lead to a sense of relief. Shedding tears during moments of grief or stress is a healthy, natural response.”

Moreover, Dr Merali notes that crying is not a sign of weakness or immaturity. “On the contrary,” he explains, “it takes courage to confront one’s emotions and to show others that you are human. The ability to be vulnerable is a profound strength since it is a sign of an emotionally intelligent person.”

Part of Dr Merali’s work is challenging the outdated definitions of masculinity that still dominate Kenyan and global society. “We need to raise our sons and support our fathers, brothers, and husbands to understand that masculinity can be both strong and sensitive,” he says.

He suggests that men who embrace their emotions are better equipped to deal with life’s challenges. “They form stronger relationships, both personally and professionally and are more resilient in the face of setbacks. We should celebrate men who can cry, who can talk about their disappointments and fears. They are modelling healthy behaviour for future generations.”

Doing away with the “men don’t cry” myth requires more than just individual resolve; it needs a cultural shift. Dr Merali advocates for more spaces, both at home and in workplaces, where men can discuss their feelings without judgment. Hospitals, schools and communities should promote mental health awareness tailored to men, encouraging them to seek support when they need it.

“Nobody should feel ashamed for having emotions,” he advises. “We want to build a society where everyone, regardless of gender, feels safe to be open about their struggles.”

Dr Merali believes the journey towards emotional openness among men will take time, but every conversation helps. “When men begin to cry openly when they allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable, they are not just acting for themselves. They are paving the way for a healthier and more compassionate society.”