Ndichu brothers: You cannot unring gender-based violence bell

Her beauty was legendary. Her skin was like fresh white snow. Her hair was brighter than the sun. Her eyes were greener than the Aegean Sea. And her lips were redder than the reddest rose in the world.

She was the most beautiful woman in Ancient Greece. Her name was Medusa, a priestess to Athena, the goddess of war.

As a priestess, she had taken a vow of chastity in service to the goddess. This made her off limits to the numerous men who desired to be her suitor. Knowing that they could never possess her, they visited Athena’s temple just to glance at her beauty and became content to simply admire her from a distance. 

One day, Medusa was taking a walk along the shore, and she caught the attention of Poseidon, the god of the sea. He was instantly smitten with her beauty. Her magnificence was so great that Poseidon could not control his impulses to be with her. However, due to her chastity vows, she rejected his advances. The more she rejected Poseidon, the more he became obsessed with her.

One day, he stalked her while she was in Athena’s temple praying. Poseidon, unable to control his urges, raped her at the altar. When Athena found her lying shattered on the floor, she was enraged and appalled that such a sacrilegious act could happen in her hallowed temple.

However, since she could not punish Poseidon, a fellow immortal, she channeled her anger at Medusa and blamed her for enticing men with her beauty. As punishment, she transformed Medusa’s beautiful hair into locks of snakes and her skin became cracked and withered. She cursed her so that any man that looked at her was instantly turned into stone. Subsequently, Medusa became the evil monster.

This week, we have witnessed an incident of gender-based violence that involved twin brothers and two sisters. The latter alleged that they were assaulted by the Ndichu brothers — Paul and Eddie Ndichu — at the Ole Sereni Hotel, after they allegedly rejected the twins' sexual advances.

Some of the reaction by the nation has been ludicrous. Many have blamed the two sisters for accepting to go out on dates with married men only to reject them afterwards.

In street lingua, this is called ‘kukula fare’. Like Athena, rather than blame Poseidon the perpetrator, they find fault with Medusa the victim.

Others have blamed the men in our society for abandoning their parental and mentoring roles over the boy child, while still others have blamed the religious leaders for salivating more on monetary donations from politicians rather than on imparting moral values to society.

Begs the question, at what point did society abdicate personal responsibility? Why are we not unanimously requiring the Ndichu brothers to own up to their intolerable actions? Why are we treating the Ndichu brothers like Poseidon, who could not be blamed, and instead all the blame and rage has been deflected to everyone else but the twins?

As a nation, we have acceded that 18 years is the legal age where one attains maturity and acquires full legal rights and responsibilities for his or her acts and omissions.

Resultantly, one is deemed competent by law to acquire a governance license, where they are entrusted with electing our national leaders; a business license where they can transact for profit; a marital license, where they are eligible to become parents; a driving license where they are capable of safely transporting humans and goods; and a consensual license, where they can engage in coitus.

The Ndichu brothers are above the legal age. If the regulatory authorities have entrusted them as mature individuals with the said licenses, isn’t it thus absurd that as society, when men perpetrate such heinous acts, we engage in emotional blackmail by inducing guilt on absentee fathers, maladjusted uncles, and materialistic religious leaders?

Why are we not laying the blame squarely on the offenders for their maladaptive behaviours? Why should society collectively offer apologies on behalf of the jilted lovers while they do not appear even remotely remorseful?

I submit that we should stop coddling the boy child and permit him to face life with tenacity, courage and resilience. This will teach him that there is a real difference between fiction and reality. Fictional movies portray persistence in men as romantic, that an initial rejection doesn’t really mean no, that it means just try harder until she eventually gives in. The cold truth, however, is that no girl owes the boy child a yes, just because he got the nerve to initiate the relationship or friendship. Or like the Ndichu brothers, simply because they occupy the coveted space of corporate CEOs, and the financial muscle that comes with it.

By now, life ought to have taught the Ndichu brothers that the world is a cruel place where rejection is a part of life. That they will be rejected emotionally when they love a woman; professionally when they fail at an investors pitch; academically when they don’t ace the test; and sometimes culturally when they marry from a different tribe.

And because of this inevitability, they ought to have been prepared that rejection is a real and probable outcome. Hence, they should have rehashed how a situation could potentially unfold contrary to their expectations and fantasies, and be at peace with whatever happens.

But they would have also quickly learnt that rejection is not a statement of their self-worth or their manliness. After all, they had already proven themselves as successful innovators in the market place. And like Tiger Woods, they could have made a triumphant comeback, no matter how despondent the rejection made them feel. 

As trailblazers in the corporate world, the expectation is that they would have discarded their Hobbesian nature, where life is short, nasty and brutish, and instead adorned virtues of moral leadership, where despite their entrepreneurial success, they are still able to temper their egos, exercise high emotional intelligence, and act with nobility and rectitude.

For what its worth, the Ndichu brothers incidence has taught us a fundamental economic principle that we should speedily dispense in the political space. As a consequence of this vile act of gender-based violence, they have lost massive investments in their fintech company. 

The investors, who did not wish to be associated with perpetrators of gender-based violence, recalled their investments worth millions. In economic-speak, this is known as the market correcting itself. Another example is Toyota and Honda, the Japanese car manufacturers who recently recalled more than six million vehicles due to two airbag glitches that may not inflate in a collision thus presenting a danger to motorists. One way to address market failure is through recall.

Unfortunately, as is quite characteristic of us, when those in political leadership exhibit moral decadence, we immediately take to our keyboards, radios and television sets to either castigate them if they are on the opposite aisle of our political affiliations, or defend them while insulting those that dare to call out their unacceptable behaviours.

We apply selective amnesia on the constitutional power of recall that we possess to send the said politicos home in a bid to correct this leadership failure. We brand our defence to mtu wetu, loyalty. But history teaches us that political graveyards are full of people who were loyal to idiots.

Finally, my unsolicited advice is to the Ndichu brothers. No matter how far you urinate, the last drop always falls at your feet. Likewise, you have tried to distance yourself from this incident by spinning the story every which way to deflect and lay the blame on others.

But with your investors fleeing, it is clear that the last drop has fallen at your feet. Will you man-up?

A man has two options in a relationship; either stand up and be the man she needs or sit down so she can see the man behind you - Anonymous