Gospel singer Ruth Matete lost her husband Beloved John three weeks after they had learnt they were expecting a baby.
In an interview with Kalekye's Health Moments, Ruth explained her loss journey.
"It had just been a week before the accident happened," she said.
"What happened is that we had just bought gas and it looked like the gas cylinder was faulty. He decided to go with it at the balcony and try and seek it out from there."
After releasing the excess gas, John lit the cylinder before the gas evaporated from the air, Ruth said.
He was rushed to hospital, where he spent two weeks, including one in the ICU, but he died while in the ward.
Ruth recounted how she received the news of her husband's death, saying she forgot about her baby for a moment.
"When I was told my husband was no more, I never thought about the baby. This is my husband, we had only been married for four months, the love of my life. The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with," she said.
"I did not think about the baby, the pregnancy. I did not even care if I lost it. At that moment I was mourning. I just allowed myself to grief, I had to accept it."
She started caring about the baby on realising her husband's memories live in her.
"I know what death is. When they told me he is gone, I had to quickly adjust so as not to lose it. Even if I did not care about losing the pregnancy, at some point, I was like, he might have gone but because of the seed he has left in me, I have to hold myself together."
On how she coped with the situation, Ruth said she had several counsellors in her life since she had suffered from depression a few months before she got married.
"And so I had been in counseling and when this accident happened and he was gone, I used what I had learnt from the counselors," she said.
"I also had friends who were counselors and they walked with me. They came through. I didn't know I was depressed but I used to feel so low and I used to cry so much."
Ruth said her counsellors said her depression was a result of past things she has not dealt with.
"For example, I didn't have such a good childhood life," she said.
"Like, my mum and my dad never got married; she got married to another man. And so when I was there, love wasn't so good. Also, I got raped by a stranger. I was dying silently."
