• Some don't want to pay a bride price because a woman is not some commodity
• Others say it's tradition. Either way, no one can fully agree on what to do about it
Image: DAVID MUSINDI
I think I’m talking about weddings too much, but this is the last I’ll talk about it this year.
It’s just that, as I have said before, it is that time of the year.
You are either being invited to a wedding or a graduation party this weekend.
Either your older cousin is tying the knot or your younger cousin just finished kindergarten after three stressful years, and they are about to embark on even more stressful years of primary School.
It’s all worth the celebration.
Now, back to weddings.
I have been growing more and more curious about the business of nuptials.
Especially the whole business of bride prices and dowries.
I remember when I was in third year in uni, if I recall correctly, we had a very riveting conversation as a class regarding the whole affair.
The lecturer asked the provocative question, “Is it okay to pay bride price?”
Literally everyone chimed in with their own views and their own opinions, but at the end of the discussion, it was clear that we couldn’t come to a definitive conclusion.
It is just one of those polarising issues that everyone agrees to disagree on.
Even I am not sure where I stand on the whole issue.
There is the argument that the tradition is outdated and has no place in modern times. Why does someone need to pay to get a wife?
Then there’s the whole tradition bit, where people say it is important to respect culture and the wishes of one’s family-to-be.
Then there’s the new generation of young people, especially the women, who are saying they do not want some man to pay for their bride price because they are not some commodity to be sold.
I really think those are among the bravest people in this generation because what if your folks are hell-bent on getting that bride price and then you are against that?
And some sinister parents actually start plotting on how they will use the bride price as soon as they see their daughter is a grown woman with prospects of marriage.
Another scenario would be parents agreeing that they will not be accepting a bride price for their daughter because that would seem as if they are selling her off to some man.
That would mean that the man owns their daughter now.
All these arguments, we had in that class in third year.
But one recurring argument that still rings true is how expensive that whole affair of negotiating for a price has become.
It seems that families now see it as a business opportunity when a young man comes calling at their homestead, saying they have found love there.
Someone sent me a list of demands they encountered when they went to meet his friends’ in-laws and they were really outrageous.
“150 goats or Sh1.5 million, 40 cows or Sh2.5 million, crates of beer Sh100,000, a water tank for Sh100,000, Sh20,000 for elders and over Sh200,000 for food,” the list said.
Plus they needed money for a coat and a walking stick for the girl’s father, and they hadn’t even started bride price negotiations.
That poor guy. Is that really the price you have to pay to marry someone you love?