- A child may become lonely because there are no other children of his or her age to play with in the locality.
- Loneliness is worse for children than it is for adults because childhood is the time when connections between peers are very important.
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If you have children, choose a residential area where they can interact with others. Of course, their security is important too and this should also influence your choice of where to live.
There’s evidence that modern lifestyles, especially in urban areas, are producing a generation of lonely children who will have difficulties achieving material success in their adult lives.
In this sense, modernity is bringing about negative changes instead of positive developments. Many parents lack time to bond with their children. Electronic devices have become babysitters, resulting in a generation of children who don’t know how to relate to the wider world.
Kenyan parents have been sharing their experiences on social media, with tales of children unable to talk when starting school. Apparently, the affected children were not used to the company of other children. They spent the first four years of their lives indoors in urban flats that lack social amenities such as playgrounds.
A woman narrated how one of her nieces was almost diagnosed with autism because she didn’t talk in class two terms after joining. “Teachers pressed the mum to take her (the niece) to a special school,” the woman explained on Twitter. “Around that time her baby brother started learning how to talk. Their mum found them ‘talking’ and couldn’t believe it!” The niece, it seems, was a case of social anxiety.
Autism is a condition that affects how children communicate, learn, and behave. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the symptoms of autism include difficulty interacting with other people. Additional symptoms are those affecting the individual’s ability to function in school, work or other areas of life.
Wrong diagnosis
As the woman who told the story of her niece explained, an inability to communicate could simply be a sign that the child is not comfortable with strangers. The story raises concerns about children who may currently be in special schools because they were wrongly diagnosed with autism.
In traditional African society, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins lived together in one compound. Children grew up surrounded with chatter, laughter, singing and stories, even if the parents were unavailable. That’s no longer the case as families move away from their rural homes in search of jobs. Urban homesteads generally do not have extended families.
make time to interact with your child by talking, playing and finding interesting things to do together. If you work far from home, use modern technology to talk with your child through video chats and phone calls but you have to strike a balance.
When the parents are out working, the children are left either alone or with a house help, who is often too busy with her chores to engage with the children meaningfully. That’s how young children are growing up with TV and video games for company but, as the evidence shows, electronic devices cannot make up for human presence.
Urban families have fewer children. A child may become lonely because there are no other children of his or her age to play with in the locality. “When you become a parent, you then realise even choosing where to live and house to rent is dictated by many factors, including if your children will have playmates,” Eric Nyamweya, a business consultant, observed.
Winnie Wathu, a Kenyan expert on early childhood development, noted that parents’ and guardians’ fear over children’s safety could explain why the young ones are spending much greater time indoors. Kidnapping has become a major cause of concern that has discouraged parents from letting their children play outside.
“This trend may have implications for the social and emotional development of children and adolescents,” Wathu wrote in a report. Furthermore, lots of activities revolve around keeping children busy with academics and homework instead of play and physical activities.
The impact of loneliness on children extends far beyond schooling and affects their adult lives, as a report on childhood isolation explains. The report published in May by a team led by Prof Louise Arseneault of King’s College reveals that isolated children are prone to attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), loneliness, lower job optimism and lower physical activity at age 18. Furthermore, they were likely to be pessimistic in their adult careers.
People with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, may act without thinking about what the result will be (impulsiveness), or be overly active.
“Isolated children are at risk of depression, heart problems, inflammation, low educational attainment and obesity in adulthood,” the team of eight researchers noted in the report. Loneliness is worse for children than it is for adults because childhood is the time when connections between peers are very important. In short, children need friends who are more or less their age.
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Find out your child’s interests and talents. You could then determine how and where to help grow the child’s talent. Maybe the child is lonely because there’s nobody around to share his or her interests.
Meanwhile, a study in the United Kingdom shows that isolated children who grew into lonely young adults were less confident in their employment prospects and more likely to be out of work. Lonelier young adults were more likely to have had mental health difficulties and to have experienced bullying and social isolation as children.
Adult consequences
The findings, published by the Cambridge University Press, show that lonelier young adults reported using technology compulsively at the expense of other activities and obligations. Excessive use of electronic devices may, in turn, result in poor sleeping patterns. “Lonelier young adults experience mental health problems, are likely to engage in physical health risk behaviours, and could adopt negative strategies to cope with stress,” the authors concluded.
That’s not all; the consequences of loneliness on physical health are real. A 2014 report on childhood social isolation shows that children in this group grow into adults likely to get Type II diabetes, depression and heart disease. In addition, they will most likely be socially disadvantaged and psychologically distressed in their lifetimes.
What then can parents do to ensure their children don’t spend their formative years in isolation? As many Kenyans said on social media, your choice of residence matters. If you have children, choose a residential area where they can interact with others. Of course, their security is important too and this should also influence your choice of where to live.
As a parent, make time to interact with your child by talking, playing and finding interesting things to do together. If you work far from home, use modern technology to talk with your child through video chats and phone calls but you have to strike a balance. Children should not be spending too much time on electronic devices. Excessively using social media makes adults feel isolated; imagine what it can do to a child.
Find out your child’s interests and talents. You could then determine how and where to help grow the child’s talent. Maybe the child is lonely because there’s nobody around to share his or her interests. You should also include the children in your interests. Learning about a parent’s career is a great way to introduce children to the world of work.