• For a woman, starting a family early is a mistake, and starting it late is also a problem
I am the newest graduate on the block and my oh my, marriage has been a hovering topic for quite some time.
Even before graduating, some of my extended family members have been on my neck on matters marriage.
The thought of being someone’s wife and having a big family is something I dream of obviously, but the constant questioning is starting to become boring.
We are three girls in the family and my elder sister is out of the nest already.
I don’t understand why my twin is not receiving the same pressure as myself.
It doesn’t make sense.
An uncle of mine dropped by recently from the village to carry out some long pending tasks within the city.
The next day, while we were heading to town, he starts talking about his elder brother and how the daughter was officially married off in a traditional marriage ceremony.
He even mentioned how the groom was fined for birthing a child with the bride before they were officially recognised as a couple.
Our tribe is really specific when it comes to tradition.
My uncles from both sides of the family are very strict with anything cultural.
My uncle then told me whenever I am ready to settle down with a man, I should bring the man home the culturally accepted way.
I have no fight with my culture or anything traditional as a matter of fact.
Actually for my marriage, I would love to do a traditional one first before I walk down the aisle in a white gown.
Walking down the aisle in a white gown is every young girl’s wish.
My issue with it is that it has now become a hymnal.
There is no way I can tell off my uncles and aunties because of the respect I have for them, but the marriage song is becoming somewhat irritating.
My career and other things have started picking up and truth be told, I am not sure I can sustain being someone’s wife now, let alone a mother.
In the near future maybe, but now?
I am not sure if I can handle being a pet mum now, imagine being an actual mum with a baby and also taking care of my home and husband.
I don’t know about you but it is a wild thought.
I am not judging young mums at all.
Everyone is free to curate how they want their life to progress, and sometimes these things just happen and life happens.
That’s very okay, but I am speaking for the few who have graduated just like myself, and we are all of a sudden receiving societal pressure to settle down.
I saw a meme video where a girl was joining campus and her parents were asking her not to get pregnant and not to bring a man home.
Fast-forward, she graduates and then they ask her why she has come alone.
“Who was I supposed to come with?” she asks.
“Uh-Uh, where is your fiancé?” the father asks.
I laughed because I could relate with her situation.
I spoke to my mum about what I discussed with my uncle, and she was backing me to some extent.
On the other hand, she made me understand how culture views a woman.
A family that is recognised by the society and one that has children is the standard set for a perfect family.
Age, matters finances and personal wishes are, however, some of the key determinants.
At the end of the day, it narrows down to two questions.
Is it marriage and family after campus then work establishment, or is it work establishment after campus then marriage and family?
I am a strong believer of being in the right space financially, emotionally, physically and mentally to breed a lasting marriage and family.
Again, things don’t always go as planned, but I am in my 20s; surely my uncles and aunties can take a chill pill and let me breathe a little.