• Lady luck visits Makini soon after the anticlimax with his office crush
It’s a sad day at Jiji Ndogo. Inspector Tembo’s wife has died from lung cancer complications.
Even Mwenda, the village crazy man, seems to realise something is amiss. He hands a wild flower to Sgt Sophia outside the Police Post.
“I’m sorry your donkey died,” he says. “Any self-respecting ass knows to stay clear of helminthiasis.”
As we head to Kipipiri (or Kìbìbìri as the locals call it) for the funeral, Sophia looks up from her phone. “I’ll be damned! Helminthiasis is a parasitic worm disease that kills donkeys.”
Tembo is tearful but glad to see us. “Makini, I can’t believe my Dragon is gone.”
“I’m sorry for your loss, boss. If I can help in any way, please lemme know.”
He places a hand on my shoulder. “I’m so glad you asked. I have a very important task just for you.”
“Anything, boss.”
“There’s a large contingent of dignitaries coming to the funeral. Politicians, military people, government officials, even the Commissioner of Police will be attending. I’d like you to head the welcoming committee.”
My eyes mist over with pride. “Thank you, sir. I won’t let you down. Would you like me to guide them to the VIP tent, pass drinks around, maybe make a speech?”
“No, son. I want you out in the field. Show them where to park and keep watch on those expensive cars. Very critical work. Can I trust you with it?”
“Yes, sir!”
Enthusiasm drains out of me like a flash flood out of rain clouds, but, bereaved or not, Tembo is still my boss. A neighbour’s compound has been converted into a temporary parking lot. I guide the guests as best I can, making sure to leave room for any early or emergency exits.
A young beautiful woman approaches me. “I knew you must be a policeman.”
“What gave me away? My uniform or the service pistol hanging on my hip?”
“I’m not stupid, you know. These new uniforms make you guys look more like watchmen than the police, but the way you were conducting the traffic was pure magic. I have a thing for traffic cops.”
“That’s a strange fetish.”
“It’s the way you guys use your strong arms. You gotta be very good with your hands, I imagine.”
“I don’t know what…” Then it hits me. I wiggle my fingers. “You’re so right. We have golden hands. I’m Sgt Makini.”
We shake hands. “My name is Wanjugu. It means ‘of peas’.”
“Just peas, not peanuts?”
She laughs beautifully. “Guess what? I like my men the way I like my jokes — funny. Conducting traffic can be exhausting, huh? You look all sweaty and bushed. See that house with a red roof beyond the fence? Once you’re done, a steamy bath awaits you.” She winks. “Maybe more.”
Is she talking to me?
Sad though the circumstances are, some opportunities come once in a lifetime. Besides, I’m still pissed that Tembo made me work guard duty at his wife’s wake.
“I’m done.” I grab a young man by the gate. “How would you like to make 500 bob doing almost nothing?”
“Tinga tano? Poa!”
“Just watch the cars. One of them gets a scratch, I shoot you.”
Outside the gate, Wanjugu says, “You know, it’s in my bucket list to lose my cherry to a policeman.”
Holy Moses! Jackpot!
However, my unbelievable luck dies when Sophia emerges out of Tembo’s gate. “Where are you off to?”
“Nowhere. Why?”
“I need your support. My estranged mother is here. I’m gonna ask her if Tembo is my biological father.”