If an African man likes you, he’ll feed you

A woman once told us of how one evening she went home to yell at her husband because he did not love her and took her for granted. She came to this conclusion because dear husband did not bring her flowers. Unlike her friend’s husband who brought her flowers every evening. Fresh flowers. She said she kind of felt shortchanged. She was ready to give ultimatums.

Her husband, on the other hand, was not ready to entertain her tantrums. She said he very quietly mentioned to her that she lived in a house that had her name on it. She drove a car in good condition and her children were getting a very good education. He then finished off by asking if she would rather have flowers.

Of course, she was still not convinced she was getting a good deal. Hollywood says if a man really loves you, he will bring you flowers and chocolates and make a fool of himself in public.

Hollywood love is exhibitionistic. A man must almost hang on you in public, how will people know you are together? If he does not call you all the time (which could only mean he is idle), warning bells. And now you want to burn your house down because your man is responsible and not a repulsive lovesick puppy.

Turns out the friend who had flowers delivered to her every evening by the mystical husband was ordering her own flowers, with her own money. The husband was only good for punching her. I suspect the tales were to distract everyone from how unhappy she really was.

We really need to let go of this western idea of love and learn or is it relearn our own love language.

I remember once insisting on flowers from a former love interest. The man came with the flowers in a paper bag and meat wrapped in a newspaper under his arm. To him the meat meant I care about you and I do not care who sees me carrying it and also, I am not walking around with these flowers but here they are in a paper bag because you insisted.

If an African man likes you, he feeds you.

You might think you have got an African man under your spell because when you ask for money he gives you. Sometimes more than what you ask for even though you have exaggerated the price.

A wise man once said no one plays with a man’s hard-earned money unless he allows it, even if you sit on his chapati. He knows that dress is not Sh20,000 but he likes you that is why he does not mind letting you have that money. Making money is not easy, so if you have a man who gives you money, he likes you. If he does not, he either does not like you or he is broke.

If he allows you to tell him some things, no matter who he is or thinks he is in society, he is willing to take your thoughts into consideration. Even if you are talking about his mother. That man likes you, forget romantic (I want to say dangerous) walks at night and cheesy texts.

A man who knows where you live, how your rent is paid, how children go to school and what pain medication your grandma uses, please keep that one. Candlelit dinners are for the birds. Besides, as you get older, you need proper lighting to be able to see.

Please let us forget all these love books written by Westerners. Learn your man’s love language. Do not scoff at a man because he showed up with the leg of a goat and five tomatoes. You cannot eat poetry.

Yes, we know you will not be the only one he loves, but if he really loves you, he will protect your feelings. (You should also not go out of your way to look for other contenders).

Meanwhile, when did men start wearing trousers that are tighter than ours? I had almost managed the pink sweaters and fitting tops, sorry, shirts. But now these tight pants that get to the ankles, no socks and pointy shoes are too much. Or are we all on the same team?

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