A woman just can't seem to catch a break

Dating when you are younger is so much easier. Mostly because you are stupid. And you have time and energy. There is never a time when ignorance is bliss as when you are in your early twenties and you have convinced yourself you need a man. You just want any man.

You tell yourself that you will be able to fix him up because you are Bob the Builder. And you believe he will be everything you want him to be till one day you run out of what you have been inhaling. Now you are back in the dating game. Sober and fresh. In the mind at least. Now you realise you should not have been dating without adult supervision. Now you are an ‘adultier’ adult though, it should be better right? Wrong!

Sometimes you think you have seen it all, I even did an article about some jokers, but it may seem that some men keep morphing into stranger characters or we seem to be meeting their distant cousins. One thing is for sure, they are boiled in the same pot.

You go out with friends and you meet a reasonable man. He seems attentive. Too attentive but you decide to count your blessings and overlook that. But now he is always calling you and showing up at your job. You start wondering if he has something to do. So you ask him what his deal is. How can a grown responsible man have that much time on his hands. And you wish you had not asked. Because he starts complaining. (A man who complains is a man who is not in control)

Anyway, his wife is stressing him and business is slow. You can appreciate his situation, business has been difficult for many people this year. He then decides to offer solutions. Thank God. But wait, maybe you thanked too soon. He asks that while the economy is still where it is, can you be the one to buy drinks and maybe even pay for a room when the relationship gets to the point of consummating. Wait, how does he decide that the economy does not affect you too?

And even if it did not, when did women start buying idle men drinks and paying for venues for copulation? Then he gets annoyed when you tell him sex outside marriage is not a necessity. You kindly suggest that it is better for him to have sex with the woman in his house. Because she is his wife and, most importantly, we hope he is paying for that house, bad economy or not.

So you think the worst is over. Actually it is. But you meet Mr Busy. This one thinks being busy is being productive. He fills your WhatsApp with his to-do list and all the people real and imagined that want a piece of him. You start wondering whether with four children, a huge project, a job, a side gig, a cat, four kittens, friends, enemies and relatives, you are annoying people with tales of how busy you are?

Now I do not know whether we should mention the career peek-a-boo bugger. Now you see him, now you don’t. One day he wakes up and may give you a call or text you with wondrous stories of how he has missed you and longs to see you. The first few times you indulge him because you do not know better. Then you get tired and tell him off.

He retreats only to show up on WhatsApp one early morning. You tell him off and think he gets It. He again retreats but resurfaces. It is hard to tell if he is turned on by the telling off or he really does retreat to hibernate and you are the first thing on his mind when he wakes up.

Of all the crazy dating stories I hear and experience, one thing that never fails to surprise me is the men seeking to be supported by women. Men who do not mind having bills paid by women. Men who date women and want to drive their cars, sleep in their houses (not knowing who pays bills in that house) and generally freeload. Where did these men come from?

I used to hear women profess salvation and claim that Jesus was now their husband. It may be time for us to become the bride of Christ and wait for milk and honey in heaven. And when it does not come, we shall be dead anyway.

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