• Tell them it is ok to enjoy sex, in the right context. (Very important!)
• Tell ALL our children that it is ok to wait to have sex. There is no deadline they must rush to meet.
Growing up I thought being a mother would be easy. I mean my mother was doing it without much fuss. The only thing I would change, I told myself, was the shouting and caning.
I would not yell at my kids like my mother did to us or beat them like snakes. I would talk to them like they did on tv and use ‘alternative’ forms of discipline. That resolution lasted until I had my own children. Who were a lot like me. One day I found myself yelling and screaming and shouting. Yes, I did all three at once. Also, let us say I did not spare the rod either.
My mum would tell us everything we wanted to know about anything. She would look for literature, movies or whatever learning aid. Her philosophy was that if you knew about it from home, you were less likely to mess up outside. She always said she would tell us the truth and we could ask anything.
Being children of course we tried testing her. I thought she would shy away from matters involving sex. Not my mother, that woman explained sex to me in detail that made me swear to myself that I would never put myself through such a disgusting and messy activity. My young mind thought I loved myself too much for that brand of rubbish. Anyway fast forward life, and I have many children, you can see I figured out later that messy activity was not too bad.
This parenting thing is hard ... Like last year when my daughter tried to kill me by announcing she had a boyfriend. I have never been so sad. God is good though; they broke up very quickly and my joy returned.
Once I had my own children, I thought it would be easy to teach them things. My mother did it with us easily, I decided, so what would be my problem. Jeez! It is hard. It must have been hard for her. Looking at my children, my babies. I carried them all for many months (years collectively), and now I must tell them of these worldly things.
I must imagine that some boy will one day touch my beautiful girls and she will want to do messy things with him. Some girl will find my son attractive and do disgusting things with him. I know I am being sensational, but no one prepares you for your children growing up.
Do not get me wrong, I have had the sex talk with my children. I have allowed them to ask me stuff. Sometimes I have had to excuse myself to drink some courage-giving and numbing substances, like last year when my daughter tried to kill me by announcing she had a boyfriend. I have never been so sad. God is good though; they broke up very quickly and my joy returned.
Kids of today are not like us though. We had limited information. Most of it a lot of rumours. These days they have the information, animated, in living colour sometimes real time. These are the things we must discuss with our children. What is real and what is not. What can you do and what is not worth wasting your behind muscles on? (By the way I will be starting an adult diaper distribution company, the way things are going.) What is accepted and what is borderline inhumane.
We need to teach our children, girls especially, to be able to set expectations when it comes to sex. Tell them it is ok to enjoy sex, in the right context. (Very important!) Tell ALL our children that it is ok to wait to have sex. There is no deadline they must rush to meet. Explain the responsibilities that come with having sex. Equip them and empower them.
In our days, one of the worst things that could happen to you if you had unprotected sex was getting pregnant. These days, when I imagine the things that could happen (knock wood) I shiver.
We really need to prepare our little ones, but there is still a feeling of helplessness. We teach and train our own, is everyone one else doing the same though? Then there is the case of the adults who prey on young children. This parenting thing is hard. We are only told of the financial aspect. Putting together humans that can face the world from all angles is another thing altogether.