Tomorrow is my fortieth birthday. I had my party earlier, though, I am sure some people are wondering. You know with age and wine there is wisdom. Being a woman, I have had numerous conversations about men with other women. I thought the older we got, the more answers we would have, but, it has not been the case.
We are always asking each other, why doesn’t he love me? Does he really love me? Why DOES he love me? How do I make him love me? How do I know he loves me? How do I know he doesn’t love me?
Well friends, family, enemies and neighbours, I have the answer to the last two questions. I have had an epiphany! I am typing furiously because the revelation is coming fast. I do not want to miss a word.
How do you know a man loves you? He lies. How do you know a man does NOT love you? He lies. Get this, though, the difference is in the quality of the lies! That is where the love lies.
A story is told of a young wife who goes back to her home because she found her husband being unfaithful. The old women ask her, how did you find out? Did you really look? Was he having the affair openly?
I am not drinking, well, not at this exact moment, but indulge me for a few minutes. Let’s not pretend that we have never lied to protect someone we loved. “Eat, you will grow to be big and strong like Daddy!” (When you know that ‘Daddy’ is not the baby’s father!)
Same thing with men. If he loves you, really loves you, he will put a lot of thought into his lies to try and protect you from the truth which would break your heart. Maybe even cause you to leave him.
He will tell you he has bought the house, when it is actually a rental. He loves you so much he does not want you to worry your pretty little head. He will have loans to his eyeballs and have you thinking he is a rich man and that the woman who calls him at odd hours is his crazy baby mama, but he is coddling her because she is mentally unstable (unlike you) and might kill his child and herself if he does not pick her calls. The calls he has to walk out of the room to answer. His lies keep you ignorant and happy because he loves you. It is advisable to maintain the status quo for a happy relationship .
Now when a man does not love you he will not even think through the lies. He will use basic lies and will not be bothered too much if you find him out. He will tell you elementary stuff like, “Pole mrembo, I can’t come, I’m out of town”. Only for you to see photos on social media of him having a grand time at a popular spot, IN town.
You take a screenshot and send it to him immediately, with a scathing caption. He blue ticks you and that’s that. No “That’s an old photo!” or
“ I’m sending M-Pesa for the dress you were talking about.” This man feels nothing for you. Look for a better liar. Sorry, look for a man who loves you.
So the young wife in the story answers the young women. She had to really put her FBI skills to work. Apparently the man denied any affair and begged her not to leave. The crazy grannies sent the young woman back to her husband. “That man loves you.” I want to believe that the young wife went back because that is what she wanted to do.
In my 40 years ( I am not letting anyone forget how old I am), I have learnt that there are no logical answers to a lot of things pertaining to the African man. I do not care what Steve Harvey said, he wanted to sell books.
There is no manual for an African man. I am, however,getting revelations in relation to this mysterious creature. I will make them known to you as I receive them.
Have a prosperous New Year.