Bride price cushions women when marriages fail

In the unfortunate event that a marriage is dissolved, the wife in Islam more often than not receives little or nothing from the division of family assets and often little to no spousal support.

Some women, therefore, feel the dowry paid to them at the start of the marriage is meant to cushion them against such eventualities.

Fatima Hirsi, 43, says she has been married twice but only received a good bride price when she got married the first time as she was still a virgin.

The marriage lasted four years and produced two children before she asked for a divorce from her husband on grounds of cruelty and desertion.

The mother of four says she did not receive a penny from the vast estate she helped her husband build during the period they were together and had to struggle to even get him to pay child support.

Her saving grace was the bride price money that she had tucked away in a bank account.

“It was Sh600,000 with a few gold ornaments. I had stored them in a safety box that even he didn’t know about. I was able to use that money to get myself back on my feet,” she says.

Hirsi says she was lucky she resisted her ex-husband’s persuasions to spend the money over the years.

“He knew I had it only he had no idea where it was and that was my saving grace. I recall numerous times when he would pretend to be broke and demand that I loan him part of it but I would tell him I donated it to charity,” she says.

Mariam Fathi, 56, says Muslim women are lucky because the Koran protects them in so many ways.

The mother of three says the bride price has saved many a woman when things didn't go as expected in marriage.

She says even when the marriage has not ended, the money, if spent wisely and invested, has enabled women to start businesses to support themselves and their children.

“It takes great wisdom to resist the urge to spend that money immediately one gets it but, in the end, it's normally worth it,” Fathi says.

Salwa's story is a painful one. She was raped by her fiancé just days before their wedding and had to call it off.

“I had gone to visit him but he ended up doing what he did. He had already paid dowry in full and so I had to make a choice on whether I wanted to give it back or not. I decided not to and used part of the money to take myself through therapy,” she says.

She agrees that Muslim women are more advantaged than their counterparts in other cultures as they get to keep their bride price. 

“I friend told me her father received her dowry and she wasn’t allowed even a penny because apparently it's taboo for a girl to eat her own dowry. So, her family spends it as she goes off to the marriage,” she says.

PAY YOUR WIFE

Lamu Muslim scholar and elder Abbas Fadhil says in Islam, a woman is not obliged to spend on her husband. If she chooses to do so, it would be recorded for her as an act of charity.

“The wife has no financial responsibility towards the husband or the family. Whether she comes from an affluent family or she earns well, she has no duty to run the family in any way,” he says.

Fadhil says in Islam, men are actually supposed to pay their wives for everything they do or require them to do.

“We must pay our wives to get babies for us. We pay them to breastfeed. We must pay them to wash clothes, cook and so forth. The only thing that’s to be given freely is sexual gratification and companionship,” he says.

However, if there is mutual understanding, the wife who is financially well off can choose to support the husband out of her own volition.

“In Islam women are helpers only and therefore anything they do for you as a man to help you must be out of their own will,” he says.

Edited by Josephine M. Mayuya