• The partial lockdown around Coast has disturbed the balance in husband sharing
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Islam allows a man to marry up to four wives, provided that he provides for them justly.
This is clearly put in the Quran. “But if you fear you will not do justice (between them), then marry only one,” states Surah an-Nisaa, 4:3.
Which means if you have to buy something, let’s say a dress, then you have to buy the same dress for all your wives.
If you decide to buy a house for your spouse, then each and every wife should get one.
And a man should make sure he spends equal days with all his wives. For example, if he has two wives and he decides to stay with one for two days, then he must spend two days with the other wife to be fair.
However, the government restricted movement in and out of Mombasa, Kilifi, Kwale and Nairobi counties for three weeks as a way of combating the spread of coronavirus. This has made the life of polygamy an unfair affair.
UNEQUAL TIME
The Star caught up with Mariam Aboud* (not her real name), a Mombasa resident who is in a polygamous marriage.
Her husband has another wife in Kwale county, where he is also working.
Aboud as the first wife said she has always been patient with her marital life and has known how to handle herself, despite the challenges.
She has accepted that her husband has another wife and she should learn to control her jealousy so she can live in harmony as she works on her marriage.
Her opinion on whenever a man decides to marry another wife is you should let them do it because he will not turn back and he can even decide to marry secretly if you do not allow him to.
“It’s better when he tells you he wants to marry another wife. Take it positively and learn to live with it,” Aboud said.
However, she thinks circumstances have not been fair on her since her husband works in Kwale, so he gets to spend a whole week with his second wife and just a weekend with her.
“This has always been his excuse, that he has to spend more time with his other wife than me because of work,” she said.
At the beginning, she was hesitant but then after some time, she felt she had no choice but to accept and enjoy the two days she has to spend with her husband.
LONGER SEPARATION
The lockdown directive was a nightmare to her. Now she will not get the chance to spend time with her husband for 21 good days.
And even after the directive, she will still not get her fair 21 days to spend with her husband because her husband is working there and has to be there every week.
She will still only get her two days a week with her husband, nothing more.
“It is quite stressing for me, but what will I do?” Aboud asked rhetorically.
She said they talk on phone daily, but it is not the same as having him physically.
Aboud added that she loves her husband a lot to a point she will persevere anything so that she keeps her marriage going strong.
She has been in a polygamous marriage for 10 years now and she has survived it because she trusts her husband and she is able to control herself so her jealousy will not turn out to be tantrums and get her husband angry.
“I pray a lot to keep my marriage strong and I ask God to delete all my negative attitude towards polygamy, and that is how I survive,” Aboud said.
WHAT CLERICS SAY
Religious leaders from Mombasa have asked wives who have been caught up in such separations to be patient and understanding.
Sheikh Badru Hamisi urged women who cannot imagine spending these 21 days without their husbands to support and understand them.
“The wives should feel pity for their husbands because it was not their wish for the situation to be the way it is,” Hamisi said.
He advised the wives who were left out not to think it is a kind of a oppression.
A female cleric, Ustadha Shekha Abdhulahi, also advised the women to be patient.
“The wife should wait for her husband to finish the days because she will also get her chance,” Abdhulahi said.
She said the couple should talk it out and come up with an agreement where all the parties will be satisfied with the decision made.
“Everything in marriage is about having an agreement with each other. The best thing is to talk it out and agree,” she said.
Abdhulahi said the woman should, therefore, understand the situation and just move on.